Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 4


Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace



Anfalia 40 / 46  
Mar 7, 2015   #1
Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace (eg. At home, when travelling, etc.)
Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?


Technology drives an innovation and a revolution in worker mobility. For this reason, the majority of people are more likely to get a job done anywhere and anytime at comfortable place by using information technology. While it renders some advantages and disadvantages, I strongly believe that the drawbacks for this case are twice more likely than the benefits.

People working in a non-office space enable to provide some new ideas with different perspectives at existing problems through other people. To exemplify, an employer works at coffee shop will meet and share to other people who have different experiences and it probably is the way for them to have new ideas. As a result, they are able to implicate their ideas in their work.

Conversely, employees who work outside tend to have less self-motivation because they are alone and it creates a quite boring condition. For pragmatic instance, an employee works at home without co-workers and it decreases their spirit to finish job well. As a result, this can destroy their motivation.

My own personal point of view for this case is that there are several demerits in some aspects. Firstly, a distraction will disturb their effectiveness to work. As an obvious example, a woman who works at home will be disrupted by her children who need her aid intensively. As a result, she cannot finish her job perfectly. Secondly, less interaction to other people impacts to their narrow minded in their perspective to think critically. Thirdly, they tend to expenditure more amount of money for getting food outside.

In conclusion, either working from home or from an office renders huge benefits to each person. However, in my personal argument, it comes down to the type of people's personalities to choose the comfortable zone. Where possible, people should accept any conditions of their workplaces and should be responsible to finish their jobs perfectly.


dquinlan11 - / 16  
Mar 7, 2015   #2
Hello Anfalia,
I like the analysis that you did here; however, I think there are a number of words/phrases that you should look-up in a dictionary to verify that the meaning of the word fits in with the intent of the context. For example:

"...twice more likelythan the benefits" (try replacing with "harmful")
"To exemplify, an employer works at coffee shop..." (try replacing with "For example")
"Conversely, employees who work outside tend..." (tr replacing with "On the other hand" or "By contrast")
"For pragmatic instance" (eliminate this word altogether, as it just confuses your meaning here)
"here are several demeritsin some aspects" (I think "drawback" would be more appropriate here, as "demerits" are typically assigned to a person, not a question)

"Secondly, less interaction towith other people negatively impacts to their narrow minded in their perspectiveability to think critically"

Hope this helps!
OP Anfalia 40 / 46  
Mar 17, 2015   #3
Thank you for your feedback. However, may I ask you, could you give me some reasons for this;

"To exemplify, an employer works at coffee shop..." (try replacing with "For example")
"Conversely, employees who work outside tend..." (tr replacing with "On the other hand" or "By contrast")

Thank you
lynzee22 - / 87  
Mar 17, 2015   #4
Your conclusion counters everything you said in the paper. In the essay you said that working at home is not good. but in your conclusion, you said that it depends on the person. You give counter arguments for working at home, and then go against what you said by saying that it is okay to work from home if you have the right personality. (I would also change the argument about the woman working at home. It is an over generalization. I am a woman working from home, but I don't have kids, so that statement doesn't apply)

hope this helped


Home / Writing Feedback / Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Need professional help with your assignments? Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳