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[ielts Task 2 ] International Travel and Mass Media ease people learning other countries


yon959 6 / 7 4  
Jun 30, 2016   #1
I aim at score 7. Please let me know if I could score "7" in the general module.

Topic:

The ease of international travel and the spread of various kinds of mass media all over the world have made it more possible than ever for people to know how other people live in other countries.

Do the advantage of the development outweigh the disadvantages?


My writing:

The explosive development of budget airlines and the continuous improvement of media allow more people know more the cultures of other countries. Inevitably, the phenomenon is positively impact for the several considerations given below.

On the positive side, the development provides chances to people to understand the cultures, laws, beliefs, and even mindsets in other countries. This reduces the misunderstanding and conflicts between different countries. For example, people from Egypt will node their heads for negative answer while people from other countries will do it for positive answer. A more peaceful world would be resulted when understanding the discrepancies among people. By travelling to different countries by international travel, people will have an in depth learning and acknowledgment of the countries. This kind of culture sharing will bring a more harmony world.

On the other hand, tourism will be developed in some tourists favourable places. Although it brings profits and boost employment rate in some rural areas, it also causes the traditional things such as foods to be modified so as to fit the tourists' favours. As a result, the traditional foods is no longer the same as the original taste. The increase of visitors may also damage the heritages and natural environments. These are not recoverable and priceless. As a consequence, the government should be actively protect the culture and environment of the countries. The damage is not reversible but could be prevented and minimized.

To sum up, the advantages of understanding cultures and people in other countries are overwhelming the disadvantage of preventable damage to the surrounding. The stakeholder of the international travel and mass media development should take the responsibility to protect the affected areas.

justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Jul 1, 2016   #2
Hi Yon, though I may not be able to rate your band as to IELTS standards, I can assure you that what we do here on EF are aimed at making sure that you are going to submit a strong and well written essay in order for you to get the band you hoped for.

Please find my suggestions below;

- The explosiverapid development
- people to know more the cultures offrom other countries.
- is positively impactsfor the several considerations given below.

- tofor people
- inof other people from other countries.
- This reduces the misunderstanding
- Egypt will nodenod their heads
- would be resulted whencan be achieved by
- By travellingIn traveling to different countries
- by international travel , people
- of the countriesother culture .
- bring a more harmony in the world.

There you have it Yon, as you can see, there's still a lot of work to be done to polish your essay, however, the good thing is, you know exactly how to approach your essay, you just need to know the exact construction and sequence of your sentences so that your ideas will run smooth. I left the last two paragraphs in order for you to follow through with the corrections and practice proof reading.


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