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Ielts essay, The Internet has dramatically altered our lives over the past few decades



phuoc 7 / 13  
Oct 31, 2013   #1
Internet has revolutionized how people communicate, entertain and receive information; it is part of our day-to-day activities. Controversy on whether internet bringing us more good or bad is becoming even hotter as more and more people finds internet essential. So far the trend is on the positive side.

As far as I am concerned, many parents are increasingly worrying about the harmful content that their children accidentally or incidentally see on the internet when they browse the web pages and search for the needed information for their homework. Some might think parents sometimes over-imagine the bad effects of internet but I would argue that they should do so and teach their children how to use internet properly so that when a stranger, for instance, ask their privacy information, they should seek advice from parent.

However, I completely believe that the World Wide Web bring us far more benefits than harms. People can search for massive knowledge on Wikipedia, an open access and editing library, while they can also enter new knowledge missing in the library for others. Online shopping boosts sale numbers since people can buy and sell goods much easier using a laptop connected to internet at their home. If the websites, for example bank website, are attacked by hackers for bad purpose, it appears to me that it can also help the side administrators to see the vulnerable and fix that security breach.

To conclude, from my point of view, internet carries us a lot more advantages than disadvantages as shown above. I believe that if people use it properly, they can utilize it to make their life better.

dumi 1 / 6793  
Oct 31, 2013   #2
Internet has revolutionized how people people communicate, entertain and receive information

..."The Internet"
The Internet has revolutionized how people communicate, entertain and receive information.

; it is part of our day-to-day activities.

It has become an integral part of our day to day life.

Controversy on whether internet bringing us more good or bad is becoming even hottertopic as more and more people findsfind internet essential.

people find/ man finds ..."people" is a plural word
Also, when you say "even hotter topic", it refers to a comparison. In this sentence there is no such reference to anything compared. This is what I suggest;

However, there whether the Internet brings us more good or bad is a controversial topic.
Shinigami97 10 / 16  
Oct 31, 2013   #3
more and more people finds internet essential => it should be " find " because "more and more people" are plural.

World Wide Web bring us => once again, "brings"

Or else, your essay's content is rather subjective. You need to avoid too many pronouns in your task.

These above are my backups


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