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Internet have opened up new doors for people who need recent information or news

hamedmas 27 / 58 19  
Oct 14, 2014   #1
Thank you in advance for pay attention to my essay. please give your feedback or any grammar mistakes in my essay.
Some people say that the Internet provides people with a lot of valuable information. Others think access to so much information creates problems. Which views do you agree with?

Internet have opened up new doors for people who need recent information or news. Like other technologies, Internet also has own advantages and disadvantages. However, Internet is a good place to find new information, news and makes easier to communicate with others, But it also provides a good place for individuals who strive to abuse these information. In my opinion, as a useful tools, internet can gather together people all over the world and makes easier for everyone to find his own requirement.

First, Internet provides a suitable place for us to find the information. If we need to search about the special subject, the first and main resource is almost Internet. For instance, if a student need to find special data about his research, he do not need to find it in a library or a bookstore, because Internet almost provide a widespread information for any subject. As a result, it is easy to find your favorite books or articles in the net.

What's more, Internet are able to connect people when they are far away. Nowadays, people are able to communicate with their colleagues, or relatives , or partners, etc through Internet anywhere or anytime. Recently, face to face communication have been developed through Internet.

However, Internet also is abused by some hackers who tend to use people's information illegally. For example, they try to abuse some information such as bank account's passwords or other personal information which are available in the net. Therefore, it is difficult to trust to this tool in a way if we want to transfer our cash or put our personal information into it.

In conclusion, Although Internet can be used illegally by some abusers, it still have provided many valuable and worthwhile information for us. It also facilitate to catch special information about every subject. In addition, Internet can link people throughout the world.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Oct 30, 2014   #2
Hamed, you have written an essay that leaves its main thought process under developed because you have tried to cover too many topics within 30 minutes instead of just one. The prompt has given you the option to do that. Why didn't you take it? If it were up to me, I would have written this essay from the point of view that access to too much information causes problems. I would then use Facebook and Google as an example of how access to private information of people places the internet users at risk because these companies sell private information to third parties. A move that does not give the internet much security and allows complete strangers access to a person's background which they can use against him. As examples of this, I would use hacking, phishing, and cyber bullying / blackmail as examples of verifiable problems created by the internet.

You should revise this essay in order to better develop a single thought. Remember, you only have 30 minutes to write this essay. So don't confuse yourself with too much information. Just stick to one reason and build it up. That will leave you with time to review, revise, and finalize during the test.

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