The issue: useful or passionate subjects for study?

Can you give me some feedback? How much is its rate you think?

Can you see any improvements from my first essay?

passion for learning and a free choice

My essay is about:
"Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.''

People hold different views about what type of subject should be educated at the university. While some argue that it would be better for students to be forced into subjects which will prepare them well for future, I believe that everybody should be able to study the course of his choice and this is also beneficial.

On one hand, learning useful subjects helps students become qualified employees. The advocates of this explain that these subjects provide students with the essential knowledge which is the basic foundation of their future career. For example, a banker has to learn about currency, finance, taxation and so on since he was an undergraduate student. He will not manage his work well if he lacks this knowledge. They also demonstrate a number of companies these days have asked the candidates to have at least one computer science certificate which show their expert level in using the office software. As a result, the student equipped with these technology skills will be more competitive in the job market.

On the other hand, pursuing passionate areas of study is the right of the student and can benefit them in unpredictable ways. Supporters of this argue that forcing students to learn what they do not want and preventing them from their interested subjects is trespassing the human right of liberty. In my opinion, learning with no interest is boring, stressful and a waste of time regardless of how useful that subject can be. Moreover, no one can assure whether one subject is useful or not. For instance, a medical learner will appreciate the time he spends on studying economics, marketing, business and so on as it has practically supported him on setting up his own medical company. Youngsters have become more and more active, desire to explore new challenges, acquire new skills which will turn them into multitasking individuals. This advantage may impress the headhunters or be useful for them to start their own business.

In conclusion, it seems to me that however useful a subject can be, passion for learning is the most important and student should be free to choose their preferred areas of study.

Dam, I do not think that you wrote this essay using a timer. If you did, you would have found out that you cannot write 358 words for this essay. You can only write about 250-300 words. With 275 being the ideal word count because that will allow you to score well using all 4 considerations while giving you enough time at the end of the drafting process to proofread your work. The proofreading is something you have to work on owing to the existing mistakes in your essay.

Work towards always using clear words in your essay. Avoid redundancies such as "basic foundation" because the "basis" which is the root word of "basic" already refers to a start or "foundation". Therefore using both terms successively is a redundancy. Learn to use forceful words when stating such as "must" instead of "has to". That way the statement you are making comes from a sense of understanding of the given topic. Remember, your ability to come across as a person who has a good grasp of English sentence structures will be able to do well in the GRA section of the essay. Losing the redundancies will also help you create more coherent paragraph presentations.

Your prompt paraphrase is incomplete. The prompt indicates "Discuss both points of view and give your opinion." So the thesis paraphrase should be similar to:

There are two schools of thought when it comes to university studies. One group of people believes that students must be given the freedom to learn about any topic they want to study. Others promote the idea that college students should focus their learning efforts only on subjects that will prove beneficial to their future careers. These subjects, as per this group, relates to Science and Technology subjects only. I have specific opinion that I would like to share after I have discussed these two public points of view.

The glaring mistake in your essay is that you turned a 3 reasoning paragraph essay into a 2 reasoning presentation, totally skipping your personal point of view presentation paragraph. You instead merged your personal point of view into the concluding paragraph. The personal point of view, which is a critical analysis of the two points of view that allowed you to come to your own conclusion should be written as a 5 sentence paragraph before the concluding summary. Therefore, your discussion presentation is only partially correct at this point and you will be scored only partially, based on the areas of the prompt that you did provide an accurate response to, which would be only 2 rather than 3 reasoning paragraphs.

Basically, new problems in your essay writing have come up because you are dealing with a different prompt instruction this time. You need time to familiarize yourself with the different discussion styles required of the Task 2 essay so that you will know what type of approach to use for each instruction. Read the sample essays here. I am sure those will help you better understand how to approach each discussion instruction.