(TOEFL) Students are more influenced by their teachers than by their friends.
Within the last few decades, there has been an unprecedented development of education all over the world, as a result, most kids can get access to fundamental education and have oppotunities to communicate with teachers. Nowadays, students have to study for more than 8 hours every day in classrooms and have to learn knowledge from their teachers following their directives, so I claim that students are more infuenced by their teachers than by their friends.
Firstly, young children are playing an important role in society----students. The major reason of going to schools is learning knowledge and teachers are the only people who can teach students what they really want in campus, which affects kids' academic achievements and social behaviors. In terms of teaching and studying, I argue that teachers have more important effects on students than their friends do.
Secondly, owing to the great pressure from competitive society, students are required to stay in schools for longer hours than before. In China, in order to get perfect academic performance, parents send their children to live in schools and students can only return home on weekends. This action facilitates teachers' influences on students, because kids are almost under teachers' control for 24 hours.
Last but not least, teachers are more authoritative than friends. Enfranchised by schools, teachers can give young children orders during education. Due to a tremendous amount of educational practice, teachers are very experienced and have effective methods to manage students, so kids should obey their orders to grow better. When it comes to friends, students can absorb or ignore their suggestions; on the contrary, they are forced to listen to teachers' advice.
In conclusion, I believe that students are more influenced by their teachers than by their friends, because they need to study knowledge from their teachers for long time in campus and should obey their authoritative orders to grow better in the future.
---- there has been an unprecedented development of education all over the world, as a result, the world. As a result, most kids can get access....
----have oppotunities to --have opportunities to
--are more infuenced by their---more influenced
--major reason of going -- reason for going
---want in campus- -want on campus
---influences on students,because --influences on students because
---teachers for long time in campus --- teachers for a long time on campus
Overall, I found your essay vague. Firstly, I don't understand why you dwell on frequently writing,"I claim that students are more infuenced by their teachers than by their friends." Secondly, you are taking teachers to the sky and throwing friends to the ground. You should mention something like this, and this is just a suggestion to balance you could take it or leave it," The definition of friend, of course, is different from a person to person; sometimes you see your friend as a person for having fun, but sometimes your friend is really sophisticated and knowledgeable, by in large his or her status is ahead of you; you accept him as a leader, your aim about choosing him is taking advantage of his experiences and knowledge; in this case, your friend plays the role of a teacher.
This is beyond my knowledge that why you made such 5 Paragraphs where it can be done within 3 paragraphs. Doing unnecessarily 5 para I think and diminish the impression. In the first part of the essay you wrote, "Nowadays, students have to study for more than 8 hours every day in classrooms and have to learn knowledge from their teachers following their directives, so I claim that students are more infuenced by their teachers than by their friends." You demonstrate sounds something like teachers teach students 8 hours every day in classrooms and that is why students are more influenced by their teachers. Which is illogical. Think about it.
If I were you I would completely delete this part----"Secondly, owing to the great pressure from competitive society, students are required to stay in schools for longer hours than before. In China, in order to get perfect academic performance, parents send their children to live in schools and students can only return home on weekends. This action facilitates teachers' influences on students because kids are almost under teachers' control for 24 hours.". It certainly looks like parents and teachers make violence to students. Edit it or remove it.This part is irrelevant to the topic. So you should more concentrate on this. Throughout the whole draft, you frequently focusing that teachers are influential just(only) because they teach students.
----- because they need to study knowledge from their teachers for a long time on campus and should obey their authoritative orders to grow better in the future.-- gain knowledge
-----The major reason for going to schools is learning knowledge and teachers - is to acquire knowledge.
... going to schools is learning knowledge. andREGARDING TO THIS , teachers are the only people who can teach/ EDUCATE students ABOUT what they really want in campus which WILL affectskidsCHILDREN'S academic achievements and social behaviors. ... I argue that teachers have more important/ SIGNIFICANT effects on students than their friends do.
Hi, Subhasis,
First of all, I' d like to thank you for your kind suggestions.
According to your message, maybe for you, friends are people who are knowledgable and you can learn a lot of experiences from them. For me, I believe that teachers are more influencing and more important than my friends are.
Since this is a TOEFL task, the question is open: "Do you agree or disagree the following statement: Students are more influenced by their teachers than by their friends".
I want to say teachers are more influencing, and this is what I believe firmly. I am wondering whether I missed something important. Influence does not have to be healthy influence or free influence, right? You have so many sorts or influence, like good influence, effective influence or forcing influence, adverse influence. In this practice test, I am just giving examples coming from my real life to show that teachers are more influencing than friends. And please concentrate, the subject of this sentence is "students", a social role in society.
Hey, I live in China, and I don't know if you have any idea about education here, but if you want to know it, I suggest you a documentory about Chinese education---"Are Our Kids Tough Enough? Chinese School". A group of Chinese teachers are invited to England to instruct students there. Chidren have to get up early to do exercise for the sake of having a healthy body for studying. And then, they learn in the whole morning and in the whole afternoon. At night, they need to resume studying in campus to accomplish their homework. At the very beginning, students hate those tough teachers, but the results turn out great at the end. I would like to say they are much more fortunate than us. The true conditon in China is more frigid than what the movie shows.
I am afraid you are not able to deny such a way of living in this country, just because you don't know its existence. Do you think 8-hour time is short? But have you noticed that people in this world have only 24 hours per day, and they have to sleep for 8 hours every day, how much time do we have which is left for us own? AND we need to eat for 3 hours in addition. Now can you still say teachers' influence is not big on students? You cannot assess that my passage is not convincing, because this kind of life is tough and irational. It does exist. What I am doing here is just telling the truth.
Most of my friends, if I want to have fun, I will spend time with them, but not for so long. Students here, even in college, need to pay attention to their academic achievements, scholarships and their internships. And the senior need to make strenuous efforts to find a good job or prepare for "The National Entrance Examination for Postgraduate", which is 10 times harder than Advanced Math,or SAT. As most of our time was occupied by study and part-time jobs, friends are less influencing, not to mention time with our parents and family. Friends are just a small part in our lives. Faced with great pressure from competitive society, we really need to struggle for our lives. This, is the cruel facts which we are facing. We have no choice.
If today, I am asked what kind of life that I prefer to live, I would like to say, I want to enjoy sparing time with my friends, I want to travel around the world, and I want to do things which I really like. But now, I am just giving true life experiences in my life. This is it.
Still, thank you for your advice. Have a nice day!
By the way, I happen to major in Political Science and have a good command of philosophy. I have read up to 20 books in this area. Plato, Aristotle, Cicero, Thomas Aquinas, Thomas Hobbes, John Locke, Jacques Rousseau, John Stuart Mill, Jeremy Bentham, Thomas Paine, John Rawls, Isaiah Berlin, Herbert Marcuse, Hannah Arendt, Robert Nozick and Friedrich HayeK. In their books and theories, there are different kinds of logic, some of them may be contradictory. But I know what is logic.
And according to my knowledge, TOEFL is a language test, not a moral judgement. It requires students to know the language well, make perfect sentence structures and do well in grammer. They do not ask us to make an ethical judgement. I believe that, even though the teacher who correct the essay does not agree with my standpoint, as long as I make it logical and fluently, I just fulfill the task. To be objective, they should not be influenced by their own moral ideology. This test is "Value Free".
I, who do not argue for friends in this passage, because I have only 30 minutes. Out of the time limitation, I can not write anymore. I want to practice and imitate the whole process of the test, so I do not make any modifications. Given 30 minutes, I have to make a choise: to be as comprehensive as possible, or to make strong arguments. And I choose the latter one. I can only type 300+ words in 30 minutes in an essay, and make my argument powerful. So I prefer to choose one side and defend for my standpoint. This is just my strategy handling with the test.
And it occurs to me that, you mentioned that we can learn from our friends, in that sense, they are our teachers. However, if we focus on the statement given by the test, we will find that, the subject is "students". We, human, have an inclination to regard parents as teachers, or friends as teachers. But from the rhetoric view, we do not regard ourselves as "students" in this process. Just imagine, in daily life, you ask your friends a question, will you say "I am your student now, start teaching me", or will you have the feeling that "I am a student of his/her" during the process. I am afraid not. If we investigate deeply, we will see that, the "friends are teachers" thing is not appropriate to the original statement, which can not be cited to be a point or evidence here.
Sorry to say, I misunderstood it. If you have only 30 minutes to think and to write then I have to admit that your writing is a good one. Just make it concise and don't be in the detail. Everything will be perfect.
