Learning foreign language at primary school makes studying more stressful

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school.
Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

It has been suggested that foreign languages should be taught at primary school rather. While learning a foreign language at primary school has many benefits, there are also some drawbacks which are worth considering.

The option to learn a foreign language at primary school is attractive for several reasons. Firstly, it is easy for children to naturally speak foreign languages because their accents are not affected by the native language. Likewise, if they start learning speaking at secondary school when their throats already established, their speaking skill is not as good as that of children who started learning at primary school. Secondly, it has been shown that bilingual children are more intelligent than the monolinguals, the ability considered as an effect of learning a foreign language at primary school. Hence, this practice does improve intelligence of children in early stage.

Despite of the advantages above, I believe that children should start learning a foreign language at secondary school rather than primary school. Forcing children to learn one more subject makes studying more stressful while they already had enough disciplines to deal with. Stress is also a root cause of many diseases at children, including obesity or mental deficiency. Another consideration is that children should be able to choose a language which really benefits them in their career path. At primary school the pupils are still very immature, having no future plan. On the other hand, pupils at secondary school are much more mature in terms of cognitive ability; they, therefore, can deliberately choose the language they want to learn.

In conclusion, despite of advantages of learning foreign languages at primary school, I would contend that children should started learning another language at secondary school.

I prepared this essay for IELTS. Please help me correct it.
I am going to IELTS in 09 Jan, aiming at 6.5 Writing. Could anyone help me mark this essay?
Thank you.

Ok... let's look at the strucutre'


.... Your intro does not contain this feature. It is something like;
Being able to communicate in a foreign language is also an added advantage. ... this hook should be catchy as well as relevant to your topic.


.... well, this is about rephrasing your prompt. (You have not included the full prompt here, so we guess it is about an argument on learning a foreign language from a young age is good or bad... Always include your prompt in your post)

Some experts hold the view it is always better to start learning a foreign language from a young age. (definition) However, some others argue that it may confuse the children about their identity. ( importance of the question - this I guessed because I haven't seen your prompt.)

Although there are some merits in learning a foreign language from a young age, I too do not support this idea for several reasons. ... state your opinion clearly.