Learning a foreign language is to travel or work in a foreign country. Others don't think so.

reasons to study a foreign language

At stepping into 21st contemporary attention has been placed on foreign language, with no sign of reduction. It's alleged that people want to learn another language due to traveling or working, while others believe that their purpose are not only like that. In my point of views, it is necessary look at both sides of arguments before forming opinion and I am inclined to the second point.

On the one hand, only by learning foreign language can they travel or work outsight. Since communication is one of the most essential factors that directly affects to convey messages. Therefore, when individuals live oversea, they may utilize language as an effective tool to express. Additionally, money is one of necessary conditions for serving which is the key reason why people choose learning another language to get better living standard instead of current area.

Nevertheless, there are wide range of aims for learning different languages. Firstly, it is not only traveling or doing at any foreign nations but also exploring. Because some people extremely has aspiration to access new cultures all over the world. Secondly, studying extra language which is related to personal major or job, among which tour guide or translator are typical examples. Indeed, some students who are studying English linguistic and literature, try their best to enhance their skills but their needs are not to work abroad.

In my opinion, each person has different reasons for this statement. Studying foreign language has a considerable facilitation of cultivating their interpersonal skills and promoting successful life.

This is a comparative essay. You cannot form an opinion in a comparative essay until the third body paragraph. That is because the prompt requires you to first consider the two sides of the discussion before you present an opinion. How can you present an opinion if you have not considered both sides yet? Bad move. You just lost major TA points because you represented an opinion, when you should not have done so yet. By the way, you cannot have point of views. You can have a point of view or points of view, but never point of views.

This is a 5 paragraph essay. You only used 2 paragraphs for your body so that means you did not properly represent the 2 public opinions prior to presenting your personal opinion. As I reviewed your work, I saw that you neglected to use public point of view references in both body paragraphs. This will lead the examiner to believe that you only responded to the personal opinion aspect as you failed to properly represent each public point of view with a public reference for the opinion being discussed.

Your under developed ideas in each paragraph was not helped by your grammatical error of having used the connecting word "because" to start a sentence. There needs to be a prior reference point in an existing sentence before that term can be used. It is a cause and effect word. It references the effect of a particular cause in a sentence. Don't make that mistake again. It will affect your GRA points.

A personal opinion is normally the 3rd paragraph in this essay. It is never a concluding statement. The concluding statement is always a reverse paraphrase of the previous discussion. Your essay has an open ending instead of a conclusion because of this error on your part.

I found these thing and hope it may help you somehow:
choose learning => to learn

@Holt
thank you so much for your advice.

@jayce
thank you!