Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

IELTS WRITING TASK 2: the life expectancy of the modern people

alicexan318 1 / -  
Oct 29, 2022   #1
The life expectancy of the modern people has been expanded, this is the positive of modern medical care

Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

here is my answer:
In this day and age, there has been an expansion of lifespan among modern individuals by dint of advancements in medical discipline. In this essay, merits and demerits of this change will be thoroughly delineated before reaching the conclusion.

On the one hand, humans possessing a longevity confers manifold profits. First and foremost, it affords elderly more opportunities to get involve in a great variety of hobbies and recreational activities which could not have been done before retirement due to their preoccupation with work. As a result, they can relish a fulfilling old age. Further, the younger generation can accumulate more handy life experience from the old people with seniority. Accordingly, some dreadful vicissitudes in many aspects such as daily life or business can be deterred thanks to that knowledge.

On the other hand, life extension, albeit offering particular positives, might entail certain ramifications. Firstly, old individuals run the elevated risk of contracting old age diseases such as diabetes or cardiovascular. As a consequence, there will be an overdue monetary burden on these people and their family. Besides, a long human lifespan obviously results in an overpopulation, which is a contributory factor to the natural resources depletion. Consequently, environmental problems such as pollution or global warming will be exacerbated. Another issue is that retirement age is likely to be increased thereby an increasing number of cut-throat competitions in the labour market especially for the youth.

All things considered, the upsides of longevity are eclipsed by its downsides. Nevertheless, efficacious measures can be implemented by policy makers to ameliorate aforementioned matters.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,410 4391  
Oct 30, 2022   #2
The writer has not taken the correct approach to this discussion. Not only does he fail to provide a thesis based writer's opinion, he also does not provide the correct reasoning format.

Let us start with with the writer's opinion. As there is a direct question being asked, a direct response with reasoning basis must be provided. Since the preliminary TA score includes a clear reference to the writer's opinion is necessary. A mere repetition of the writing instruction cannot be scored as it does not relate an opinion to the examiner. He will be forced to apply preliminary TA score deductions because the writer did not provide a clear opinion basis at the very start.

Now, getting to the actual discussion format. I say that the discussion is unacceptable because the proper topic comparisons where not accomplished in the paragraphs. For this essay, the writer must provide conflicting reasons for an advantage that is a disadvantage, or vice versa. In truth, a full review of the discussion further proves that the writer does not have a single acceptable opinion of the discussion. The conflicting reason I have mentioned is in reference to the reasons that the writer uses to disprove or prove one opinion over the other. That task was never met in this discussion.

By improperly approaching the task requirements, the writer will not meet the passing standards for the task. He will fail in the TA and C + C sections.

Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: the life expectancy of the modern people