Life today is unhealthier than in the past century. Do you agree or disagree? (IELTS)

not healthy today's lifestyle compared to the past

The circumstances during the previous century were relatively more healthful than at present, I have to concur. The rapid technological advancements, urbanization and digitalization have negatively impacted the average person's physical and psychological health. In the following essay I aim to substantiate the phenomenon by incorporating the current affairs into the arguments with the help of several examples revolving around today's status quo in comparison with the past.

Paradoxically, higher living standards, access to efficient services or appliances have led to an increase in rates of illness. For starters, there used to be far more residents in the countryside ,where there were salubrious places with fresh air, conducive to a healthy lifestyle. Today the majority has moved out to urban areas in search of more economic opportunities and high-paying jobs. As rational as it may seem, the mass relocation to the cities have plenty of drawbacks: more dwellings have been built to satisfy the need for accommodation, and on top of that, metropolises are notorious for noisy traffic, polluted air, and unhealthy lifestyle; In consequence of modern conditions having greatly reduced the number of inhabitants in rural regions, cities are in turn burdened with the effects: overpopulation which has resulted in high demand for excessive construction of buildings, requiring different measures of government expenditure, such as deforestation, which causes loss of vegetation and lowers the environmental quality. More and more citizens spread bacteria

Then, the emergence of electronic equipment has brought about improvement in automobile parts, manufacturing industries have created commodities that have definitely not been ecological, whereas in the past, cars were not in constant use and in such large circulation.

In addition, if we take a look at documentaries, speeches and performances recorded back then, we can see how much fitter the general audience-our ancestors used to be. Because of said industries above, a rather unfortunate shift, namely in the food technologies has occurred. Before now stores mainly provided wholesome produce or homemade pastry, but companies and large-scale businesses have come out to the forefront and the production of natural food of high nutritional value has been pushed in the back corner. Citizens are tempted easily because of fast-paced life, by product placements in commercials and massive sale of them in the streets to allow themselves to gorge on junk food without care about what it does to their body, which again exacerbates the situation. Lastly, I wish to touch upon how the current century has made our lives unhealthier in other aspects of life: internet has been deleterious to optical health and has made our lives sedentary and adynamic: if before children played outside, they have got video games for which no physical activity is necessary; relationships have switched to digital as well, which is psychologically harmful. Thus, the striking contrast between society's life before and now in terms of clean, sanitary conditions and healthful dietary habits of the average human of today's erais manifest in a vast number of perspectives, including moving to the cities where the air is polluted, constructing more buildings which hinders plant growth and is a corollary to viruses being spread, eating junk food, etc.

Based on the extensive writing done in this essay, I can only assume that the writer is doing self- study for this test. That is the only acceptable explanation as to why be would over-write, over-analyze, and lack in proper response formatting in consideration of the provided prompt. While the writer maybe a typist who can complete over 500 words in 40 minutes, the purpose of this test is to prove the ability to discuss a given debate topic as if he were writing a time limited exam in class. The essay must be concise and more properly focused on a quick explanation of 5 sentences within a paragraph. While there is no maximum word count, 250-300 words has been found to bethe most highly scored word count overall.

The writer did not provide a proper emotional or measured response to the question. Rather than providing the expected 3 sentence response, he immediately began the discussion. Such a deviation results in an automatic failing score. The 3 sentence requirement should indicate:

1. A simple sentence topic restatement.
2. A brief measured response.
3. The summarized reasoning topics/ thesis statement.

The vocabulary used tends to be advanced in usage, but not easily understandable in everyday use. The vocabulary need not be too advanced as such words do not normally suit the discussion or are aused outof content with regards to word meaning or sentence/ paragraph meaning. So rather than helping the score, it proves to be unhelpful instead. That can be avoided if the writer focuses on conciseness rather than only a high sectional score.

These are but the tip of the problem with the writing presentation. I highly suggest the student reviews the related task essays before proceeding to create more practice essays. The lessons and observations provided in those essays will be most helpful to him as a beginner.

Grammatical errors and wrong word usage
No defined thesis statement
The point in your paragraph three is not well structured, it's supposed to be a comparison. Beginning with 'while' instead of 'then' could be helpful.

The points are there but you need to structure them accurately in a more concise manner that directly responds to the prompt.