IELTS WRITING TASK 1- Line Graph- shop closures and openings

shop closures and openings

Question:
The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Picture:
My essay:
The line graph compares the number of shop closures and openings in one nation from 2011 to 2018.

Overall, it is clear that the number of shop closures changed considerably and tended to increase, whereas that of openings declined over the whole period.

First of all, in 2011, the figure for shops that closed was about 6000. However, in 2012, the chart witnessed a decline to exactly 6000 shops closing. In 2015, it decreased to less than 1000, the lowest one in the period of seven years. Also, approximately 5000 shops closed in 2018.

Moreover, at the beginning of the period, the number of shop openings stood at more or less 9000 while that in 2012 was 4000. Next, there was a dramatic rise of 2000 shops between 2012 and 2014, and then went down sharply to 4000 again in 2015. After that, this figure had been remaining until 2016. Finally, at the end of the period, the number of new shops that opened in that country was precisely 3000.

(167 words)

• 
  Linegraph_C17_T4_.j.jpg
  

Be more thorough when you are writing the summary overview. Since there are 2 different sets of data being compared in the same image, explain how the information was differentiated and how it helped make the image easier to understand.

The summary overview and trending statement could use more work in terms of information development. Merge the trend with the overview so that you can meet the minimum 3 sentence requirement for the paragraph.

The actual review was acceptable as it indicates all of the information provided in the image. However, the paragraph themselves do not meet the academic standards for writing the task. You need to avoid long sentences, aiming to always present 3-5 sentences at all times, in all paragraphs. You lsoe points for writing long sentences only.

@rubinguyen
For your opening,
The number -> the numbers (the number of openings AND the number of closures)

For your overview,
If both trends went down, then why using "whereas"?
Your overview is too short. Recommendation: sentence 1: both trends went down, sentence 2: Closures had a low start but surpassed Openings at the end of the given period.