How long people in Austalia (in the period of 2001-2008) spend their time on calling via telephones

Hey guys, could you read my essay and give a band score for it?

Telephone calls by category in Australia

The bar chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in Australia, divided into three categories, from 2001- 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

You should write at least 150 words.

A glace at the graph provided sketches out how long people in Austalia in the period of 2001 - 2008 spend their time on calling via telephone which was divided specifically into local, national & international and mobiles.

Overall, total time of local calls had its leading in comparison to others despite some fluctuations between these time, whilst mobile calls with its rise could not help it escape from the least place.

Apparently, the figure of local calls minutes had a gradual climb by 18 billions from 2001 to 2004. Then it reached its peak at 90 billions minutes by the year 2005 before it decrease steadily to the 2001's number at 72 billions.

On contrary, mobiles, national and international calltime witnessed the increasing. Minutes of national and international calls went up for 1 to 5 billions minutes each year, bring the number 38 of 2001 to 61 billions, Beside, a significant rise in mobile calltime by 2008 which was 23 times as the 2001's figure was also recorded by the chart.

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Scoring is part of our private and / or URGENT review services. It is no longer part of our free review service. Students who score other students essays will be suspended. Now, I will go on with my review of your essay.

You have a notable number of errors in your essay ranging from spelling and grammar mistakes. Since you only wrote 172 words, you should have used the remainder of the 20 minutes to review and correct these errors. Leaving these correctable errors in the essay will definitely lower your LR and GRA scores. Editing the paper is very important to your score. Make sure to allot at least 5 minutes for the editing and correction process. Aim to have fewer errors to have a better chance to pass the test.

You need to be more specific with your image identification. This is a bar graph, not just a graph. The graph is the type of image. The bar, is the format of the graph. So you have to provide both the type and format for the name of the image. As a part of the summary overview, you should also indicate the information regarding the measurement type. For this image, the measurement type is in the billions of minutes. Skipping information presentations in the summary overview makes it incomplete. You should also combine the summarized data and the trending statement into one paragraph because the trending statement works best as the wrap up sentence of the overview. Also, it is much easier to create a 3 paragraph, 3-5 sentence presentation than a 4 paragraph presentation for the task 1 essay. That is due to the sentence requirement per paragraph and also, the inability of the student to truly create a representative report over 4 paragraphs. The standard paragraph format for this essay is only 3 paragraphs.

Your succeeding paragraphs are under developed and represent run-on sentences because these are too long to be coherently and comprehensively presented. The more sentences you have, the clearer the information presentation. Don't go over the maximum 5 sentence requirement though. You might run out of time to double check your work. You cannot capitalize a word after a comma ( billions, Beside should be billions . Besides ) unless it is a noun reference (name of a person, place, thing, book title, or position title)

@Holt
Oh I didn't know that, I'm so sorry.
Thanks for your feedback, I will try my best.