Prompt :
Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful than those countries which do not have a long working time.
To what extent do you agree or disagree ?
ANSWER
People have different views about the outcome of being hard-working. In my opinion, I utterly oppose the idea that longer shifts are greatly requisite for financial success regarding the adverse effects they may bring back.
On the one hand, it is true that diligence is the key factor leading to a high economic growth rate due to the more demanding work requirements and fierce competition between firms. However, I believe overworking to be counter-productive. It deprives people of leisure time to make personal purchases, which is accordingly the reason for a drop in consumption. Consequently, major industries including tourism, air transport and entertainment services driving the economy in many countries would be severely affected resulting from the decline in the number of customers.
In addition, the workers will be prone to physical health problems, along with mental illnesses if they exert themselves relentlessly. First of all, employees can suffer from lack of sleep, which acts as the main cause of poor performance at work. This may not only decrease productivity but also give rise to traffic accidents because of vehicles whose owners have to drive in a state of exhaustion. Undesirably, what will benefit is the medical system. Moreover, it poses a potential risk to people who are too busy for self-care. To cite an example, the Japanese office staffs frequently deal with an overwhelming workload that they feel stressful, meaningless and many even try to commit suicide.
As a conclusion, it is clear to me that extended shifts have its drawbacks outweigh the advantages on the subject of the detrimental impact it could have on the economy.
P/s : I'm aiming a band 8 for my essay in my exam this November. Could you please point out all the mistakes i've made as well as suggest a way to improve my writing ? Thank you very much.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,851 
4786 The prompt restatement is incorrect, immediately eliminating a possible band 8 score for this essay. The topic centers on the point of view of countries, not individuals or groups of people. The response statement is incomplete and lacking in clarity as it refers to longer shifts in general as opposed to the more specific "occupational hours" or "employment schedules". The writers response in a measured degree is the only properly presented part of the prompt restatement + Personal opinion paragraph.
The reasoning used by the writer does not use the reasoning basis indicated in the original. The explanations should focus on economic success As the comparison point for both points of view. It appears the witter failed to consider the topic requirement when the essay was being drafted. A quick prompt check prior to submission would have made that error evident to the writer and a correction could've been applied to the work. While the writer will recieve a score for having written an essay, it may not be a passing one due to discussion topic errors. This is most definitely not yet a band 8 writing effort.
