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Lots of people deem that youngsters are inappropriate to crucial positions in government or business



MandyHuang 1 / 1  
Oct 21, 2020   #1
Topic:

Some people think that young people are not suitable for important positions in government or business.


Others argue that younger people can be very beneficial in these positions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Government or business is important to the growth of a country, and the people who are in charge of these areas always play a significant and decisive role in the development progress. Lots of people deem that youngsters are inappropriate to crucial places, while others raise an objection. As to me, every perspective has its pros and cons, but for different reasons.

On the one hand, newcomers who are just graduated or about 30 years old have less experience than older staff. Hence, the skilled employees are more qualified to handle the government or company departments as well as cope with several situations, even though it's a tough one. Moreover, their soft skills have accumulated over time, so the ways (that) they deal with the hard duties are more flexible and smooth.

On the other hand, there is no doubt that youth is more enthusiastic and agile. They are prone to excepting and learning new things, especially for the latest technology and machinery which is vital to successful management in this digital age. Besides, they usually have many unique and creative ideas which are an indispensable factor in every field and the older ones are inferior.

Generally, it is needed for every youngster to get a chance to grow up at their career pass. To the view, if the younger people are beneficial in the major duty at a state agency or a firm, it depends largely on the workplace culture and the nature of work. However, in my perception, it is better that they handle a less important executive position, which can enrich themselves, before improving to a key one.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15385  
Oct 21, 2020   #2
In the prompt paraphrase, you did a relatively good job of using your own words to provide a new version of the original prompt. However, you did not give a clear opinion in the response to your opinion. You only have 5 paragraphs for this essay, 3 for the public points of view and one for the personal opinion. So you cannot say that is has pros and cons for different reasons. You need to pick a clear opinion and present it otherwise you risk losing points for not delivering a clear side to support in the presentation.

Try to avoid using memorized phrases (on the one hand, on the other hand) when stating your topic sentences. You will be able to score better in terms of C&C considerations when you immediately kick off with a topic sentence instead. The reviewer already knows that you are comparing the two sides because of the format of the paragraphs and your prompt restatement. So you can avoid using comparative memorized phrases.

You did not clearly represent a personal point of view in the end. The personal point of view is the 4th paragraph in the presentation, before the concluding summary. Since you closed with a paragraph that does not reflect a personal opinion due to the lack of first person pronoun usage, the essay seems to be missing a conclusion and a personal opinion. The lack of clarity in your paragraph formatting will definitely affect your final score.


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