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TOEFL Essay: machine made goods are cheaper and more durable than handmade ones


ana_p 27 / 81  
Jun 1, 2012   #1
Hi All,

Request you to please check my essay. (Especially Grammar and sentence structure) any new ideas and suggestions appreciated.

Some items (such as clothes or furniture) can be made by hand or by machine. Which do you prefer - items made by hand or items made by machine? Use reasons and specific examples to explain your choice.

Today, we can see technology has developed a lot. Most of works can be done by machines. However, the significance of handmade products is hard to ignore. In fact, each handmade item has an artistic worth behind, which should be considered. In early days, when there were no machines people used to do most of their work by hand but now individuals have diverse options. They can use items made by machines and I believe that, if such developed machines are available to do the same work then why should we waste time and energy for creating that products by hand.

I would like to use items made by machines because I believe that, machine made goods are cheaper than handmade ones. For example, this weekend we visited Amish Community. Farming and making wood furniture are their source of income. They did not use any technology or any machines for this. All work can be done by hand like, in the process of making furniture, they have to cut the wood, shape it, fix it and then polish it. On the other hand, using machines for conducting this process could reduce the required work force and production rate could also increase. As workforce increases, price of the product also increases and therefore price of handmade items are costly than machine made goods. We can also see many other things like cloths with handmade embroidery work, Home decors, Paintings and the like which are more costly than machine made ones.

In addition, handmade goods are beautiful but not as much durable as machine made items. In my own experience, we used dining mats which had a handmade embroidery work on it. We hardly used it for one and half month and after second wash, all work made by hand on that mats was gone. Now, we bought mats with machine made work on it and we are using that from last three months. We washed it for three to four times but still it looks like new. So, I do not think that handmade goods are more durable than machine made.

Finally, I believe that machine made items have a long life than items handmade ones. These are cheaper, affordable and durable plus it saves time and energy. So, I would prefer to choose items made by machines.

@ Vickey: There is no question of being an angry. I am really happy that you read my essay and suggested something. I would like to debate on anything which will enhance by TOEFL score..:)

Now, come to the point.. Yes, I do agree with you, I cannot say that machine made items are stronger than handmade. Actually, in my first essay, I wanted to explain about durability and in my second essay, I tried to clear my ideas with examples. Hope after reading this essay, you might have got my ideas behind my opinion.

Good Luck!

any suggestions and corrections appreciated:)

Thank you dear all for your reviews.

Ana.
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Jun 1, 2012   #2
This essay has only one paragraph at the body. If you write like this, you will lose mark. Try to support your opinion through three paragraphs. For example, you could expand your opinion about durability and appearance of items in two separate paragraphs

Finally, I believe that items which are made by machines have a long life than items made by hand plus these are cheaper and stronger. Mainly it saves our time and energy. So I would prefer to choose items made by machines.
xitrona 4 / 11  
Jun 1, 2012   #3
an essay, there should be at least 3 paragraphs -> opening(including thesis statement), the body, and conclusion.
hope this help :)
vickey 9 / 18  
Jun 3, 2012   #4
Dear Ana!

Thank you for sharing good TOEFL topic.

If I were you, I would like to list body paragraphs as below.
1)save money ( less expensive)
2)more choices (more option than hand made craft)

However, I cannot agree with that the machinery items are stronger than handmade. If you believe that, could you please give any example or reason?

I am asking because through the debate, we can enhance our TOEFL score.

If I made you angry, sorry about that. I didn't intend.
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Jun 5, 2012   #5
They did not use any types of technology or any machines for thisdoing their works
All workscan bewere done (or conducted) by hand like ("such as" is a better term here instead of "like", in the process of making furniture, through which they have to cut the wood, shaped it, fixed it and then polished it ( If I were you, I would write the sentence like this: "cutting, shaping, fixing and polishing wood were sequentially conducted through the process")

As the number ofworkforceworkers increases , price of the product can also increasesrise up (use synonym) and. therefore,price of handmade items may become moreare costly than machine made goods.

As I told you previously, try to support your ideas at three separate paragraphs

I would prefer to choose items made by machines rather than handmade ones

Regards
Ahmad
OP ana_p 27 / 81  
Jun 5, 2012   #6
Hi Ahmad,

I am sorry for troubling you but I did not get this " try to support your ideas at three separate paragraphs" as I arranged my essay in intro para ( In this I tried to explain about my preference), two body paras( In 1st para about prices and in 2nd about durability with examples) , and finally short conclusion. Do you want me to add one more para with different ideas? Can you please explain me...?

Thank you so much.

Ana.
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Jun 5, 2012   #7
Hi, I mean the body should include three paragraphs. Yes, you should add another idea as the fourth paragraph.

Regards
Ahmad


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