IELTS WRITING TASK 2: The main problems of our time is the loss of some plants and animals?

Some people say that the main environmental problems of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is no denying that our environment is in great danger when some genres of plants and wildlife are becoming extinct, whereas others believe that other environmental problems are more important. From my perspective, the most serious issue is climate change which is elaborated in this essay.

In modern society, some kinds of plants and animals are in danger of extinction due to polluted environment and used in labs, especially in some big cities. Many kinds of animals like mouse are used for experiments of new drugs and cosmetics to exam their safety, which may cause a decline in the quantity of fauna. Besides, plants in some cities are cut to make space for constructing buildings and malls. Another reason is that gas and waste from factories and households may pollute air and water. This cause may be more serious since it impacts on both animals and human beings. Pollution of water and air may result in some diseases such as lung cancer or even death that may decrease the number of creatures.

In my personal opinion, climage change has a great influence on both human lives and the Earth. In recent years, a variety of disasters such as Tsunami and Blizzards occur more constantly than in the past. When a flood attacts an area, it may destroy the whole constructions there, and make people turn into homeless and hungry. This flood does not hurt people, but also consumes a huge amount of money of the government when they have to support to build houses and cater food for their residents. Especially, this can affect negatively source of water as it is mixed by dirty one.

In conclution, there are a range of reasons that result in environmental issues, but I believe that the changes in climate are more vital.

@jungsooyeon
Hello. Thanks for being in the forum! I hope my feedback helps you have insight on how to improve your writing.

Firstly, I think that you can still improve that introductory paragraph if you focus a lot more on integrating a more cohesive and concise writing pattern. For instance, the first sentence immediately could have been separated into two different sentences that would both be shorter and have their own core thought/value. Implementing this format of writing is better in the long-run for a more sustainable writing pattern.

In the body paragraphs, you could have opted to incorporate more concrete information or examples instead of over-extending the entire definition of the texts themselves. If you do this, you will surely be able to have a more integral writing pattern that does not sacrifice any portion of the text.

Like what I always tell others, do not forget and just leave behind the conclusion. This part of the text is utterly essential for building the final remarks of the message you're trying to relay. Try to always maximize it to have a better and more elaborate attempt in writing.

@jungsooyeon
In the first body paragraph, you use "are used for" too much, you should replace it by some symnonyms like utilized. In the next paragraph, I see you use the structure "not only but also". If you use it, you should use "not only does this flood hurt people, it also consumes ..." to show better your skill of structure usage. There are still some typing mistakes in your essay, I think. Overall, you use some good words to help me to learn from your essay, thank you!