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Writing task 2: The main reasons to make people spend most their time working


quynhchi61 1 / 2  
Nov 8, 2021   #1

Nowadays many people have to work in longer hours. What are the reasons and effects?



In recent years, the advent of technology has significantly influenced to humans' life. Therefore, to keep pace with cutting-edge inventions, people seemingly have to work in longer hour than they did before. There are diverse reasons and effects have been expressed.

Apparently, this phenomenon is caused by three main reasons. Firstly, property prices are higher than ever, and without help, it would be impossible for many people to pay a deposit and a mortgage. Secondly, people seem to be more ambitious nowadays, and they want to provide a better quality of life for their families. Thirdly, the appearence of new technological innovations requires humans to study and work harder to know how to control and make uses of them in an effective way.

Having to work in a long-tern has two obvious impacts on humans' life such as physical and mental health. As for physical health, spending hours sitting at offices or carrying overweight can make our bodies exhaust. It is the lack of sleeping time that is responsible for having headache, losing feelings control,... People who do not sleep enough may usually be angry with everything around them. As a result, working in a long time brings many prevention to normal life.

In conclusion, it is undisputed that the expansion of technology is the main reason to make people spend most their time working. In addition, if we want to improve our health, we should take more exercise, participate in sports instead of working in a long period.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,000 3875  
Nov 9, 2021   #2
In recent years, the advent of technology has significantly influenced to humans' life.

This claim has no direct relationship to the question and required discussion. It should not be present in the restatement nor opinion presentation. This is a personal opinion unrelated to the discussion requirement and will cause a lowering of the sectional score.

There are diverse reasons and effects have been expressed.

You fail to respond to the question. Provide a discussion outline in statement form. 1 or 2 topics for each. This will prove that you analyzed the qquestions and discussion requirements thus, boosting the score for this section.

The reasons and effects provided are plentiful but, these lack valid explanation development in the sense that it does not have proper examples and supporting explanations. The presentation is not cohesive enough to provide a convincing series of reasons.

ontrol,...

review punctuation usage rules. 2 cannot be used simultaneously. This in a grammar accuracy failure.
OP quynhchi61 1 / 2  
Nov 9, 2021   #3
Thank you for your feedback! I am trying to improve my writing skills.
I know this may be impossible but can you suggest me some ideas to rewrite?
I really appreciate it!
vanehers 1 / 2  
Nov 9, 2021   #4
I think that you should include some evidence (scientific papers or news) in order to support your ideas.
OP quynhchi61 1 / 2  
Nov 17, 2021   #5
Thanks for your advice! I will read more news to collect ideas.


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