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TOEFL; making teachers' social or political views known to students cannot be judged completely.


aliceNN 8 / 23  
Sep 18, 2013   #1
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Teachers should not make their social or political views known to students in the classroom.

Apart form acquiring knowledge in the school,students may concern about social issues or political activities happened currently. In the class,to improve teaching, teachers sometimes combine their social or political comments with teaching context, some people think it's not a proper way of teaching, while others refutes.To agree or disagree the statement that teachers should discuss their social or political comments with students in the classroom is a matter of balancing its pros and cons. However, in my point of view, the issue that making teachers' social or political views known to students in the classroom cannot be judged completely.

To begin with, teachers would be a misguider for students in society and politic aspects. For students, teachers are more likely to be a light during their education period.So, students' threads may mostly rely on their teachers views towards some issues , especially issues they do not familiar with, and this fact would leave a possibility to students distort social things. For example, my social teacher is a rigorous person and he always criticize some hot social issues and the president's recent activities in the classroom, when these critics comes from our students ' ears, our impression towards society and government is influenced more or less.

Moreover, Stating social or political views in the classroom often make the teaching process slower than usual. Teachers who want to make their social or political ideas known to students may delay their teaching process. For instance, some teachers may comment some social issues so eloquent that they always forget themselves and the time, especially they may deflect the point far away from what they have to teach unawarely, consequently, make their teaching process more slowly.

However, every coin has two sides. Showing their social and political views can narrow the gap between students. Teachers share their comments to their students means that it's free to demonstrates one's ideas in the classroom , so students can join this discussion and communicate their comments with respect to society and politic without any limitation.Teachers would be their guider or listener,as a result of it, their relationship would be closer and the atmosphere of classroom would be more warmer.

OP aliceNN 8 / 23  
Sep 18, 2013   #2
This is HOOK

Apart form acquiring knowledge in the school,students may concern about social issues or political activities happened currently.

this is Backgound

In the class,to improve teaching, teachers sometimes combine their social or political comments with teaching context, some people think it's not a proper way of teaching, while others refutes.

and this is Thesis statement

To agree or disagree the statement that teachers should discuss their social or political comments with students in the classroom is a matter of balancing its pros and cons. However, in my point of view, the issue that making teachers' social or political views known to students in the classroom cannot be judged completely.

which part do I need to change ?
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Sep 18, 2013   #3
Hey... Sorry.... You are right! I was doing a few essays together and got confused. Your intro is perfect :D
OP aliceNN 8 / 23  
Sep 18, 2013   #4
Thanks Duminda
I've read essays that u recommended for me, it's really worth reading.

BTW, how about structure and idea of this essay ?
Beacuse I've written according to your recommended structure, so Which part need I improve?

thanks~ : )
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Sep 19, 2013   #5
Okkkkk.... it seems now you follow the right structure. However, there are some parts I found that you need to improve on;

To begin with, teachers would be a misguider for students in society and politic aspects...

Here you do not come up with the reason very clearly :( As I understand, the real reason here is that teachers may have biased political views and if they are allowed to talk about them in the classrooms, the students would form opinions through such biases. Isn't it?

So give more prominence to the reason and then support it with the example;
To begin with, teachers may be biased with their views on social and political issues. When they are allowed to express their social and political views in classroom setups, such biases may influence students also to form wrong opinions without seeing the reality of the issue. For example, my social teacher is a strong supporter of opposition party in politics and therefore he always criticizes every action that the government takes whether it is meaningful or not to our nation. The students who believe what he says, tend to blame the government for every action it takes without any attempt to find out the basis for such action.
OP aliceNN 8 / 23  
Sep 19, 2013   #6
Thank you duminda, when I reread the part you quote, I have the same feeling with you, I think I do not come up with the reason very clearly .

so I'll take ur advice, and continue to practice :D

Do u think should I write a conclusion in this essay?
margaretsales - / 2 1  
Sep 19, 2013   #7
Teachers must never make their social or political views to known children .My kid is studying in Sunnybrook school Toronto. He is very lazy and is not interested in reading newspapers or books .So his teacher tells him about the current social and political issues going on in the world to evoke an interest in him to reading more....but she never inflict her political or social views into him...In fact she tells that each child must have their own independent views even from the childhood...This later will build up their character....In my opinion ,kids always copy the teachers...So teachers should avoid making such statements...
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Sep 19, 2013   #8
Do u think should I write a conclusion in this essay?

Yes.... conclusion is a must for this task for you to earn a good score. Sorry, I missed it ... there are so many essays I need to go through as I was away from the forum for a short while. So, I do not have time to read the full essay, but give glances to capture the overall effect. Yes, write a candid conclusion. The essays I quoted in one of my previous comments, have good conclusions. Do not lengthen any part of the essay, be it the intro, body paras or conclusion, unnecessarily because you need to deal with time effectively. Make sure you have all essential features in the essay :)

However, you had my special attention amidst so many essays due to your keenness on improving ... lol
OP aliceNN 8 / 23  
Sep 19, 2013   #9
Thank you ,Duminda !
Yes....Because I'll take the toefl exam in sep.28, and I do not have enough time to practise. But I want to get a good score in writing , so I just try my best to practise it. :D
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Sep 19, 2013   #10
I think you still have enough time. You are now almost there. It's a matter of keep practicing as per the structure dumi has suggested. Do practice with time. Also, reading others' essays also would help you to catch points on similar topics. Your writing is quite ok and with these last few practice sessions you'd improve more :)

Good luck with your exam!


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