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IELTS Task II : Male and female number in University (re-write)


SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Feb 16, 2014   #1
In my previous writing I have advice to revise my several errors. This is my second writing with same prompt. I am open for comments

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extend do you agree or disagree.
answer

Gender equality in university acceptance is become controversial issue. Although some people think important for universities to equalize number of male and female students in each subjects, the others sayings against it. Therefore I might agree with the latter.

To begin with, most of universities accept their new student based on their ability. This opinion guides management to make requirement for netting eligible candidates to sit in the university chairs. The two mains requirement, either student report in high school or university early examinations, are resulting for unequal numbers male and female student approval. For instance, Medical faculty has quota for 200 new collegians and based on the solid set requirement, 125 female and 75 male are permit to enroll in this university. This common way is indirectly steered university to approve different number male and female students.

Nevertheless, gender activists have strong sounds for making similar proportion, both male and female, in the annual university acceptance. This criticism can be understood as an implementation of right in a nation. Taking Indonesia as an example, 1945 principal rights in the 31 paragraph said that "every citizen has the same right in education". Moreover, it means that universities should be provided similar quota, even male or female, in each subject they have. Enlarging of this view we can see similar opportunity for people to build carrier as their passion which sometimes out of social common embody Helle-Thorning Schmidt, Denmark Prime minister, or Prof Douglas Kilts, Nursing Professor in Borough of Manhattan Community College.

In conclusion, I tend to agree to make similarity number in student, male and female, acceptance. This is such a way to go out from stereotype that certain subject is only suitable for man and vice versa.

Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Feb 16, 2014   #2
Gender equality in university acceptance is becomehas become a controversial issue. Although some people think it is important for universities to equalize the number of male and female students intake forin each subjectssubject , while the others aresayings against it. Therefore I might agree with the latter.I too disagree that universities should accept equal number of male and female students for their courses.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Feb 16, 2014   #3
To begin with, most of universities accept their new students based on their ability capabilities.

To begin with, it is important that universities give priority for the students' qualifications and capabilities when they select them for their degree programs.

This opinion guides management to make requirement for netting eligible candidates to sit in the university chairs.

For me this sentence is meaningless and does not help you to build a smooth flow to convince the reader about your reasoning. Think simple and write simple. Then your essay would turn out to be a more interesting one to read.
deyangsh 2 / 3  
Feb 16, 2014   #4
Therefore I might agree with the latter.
"Therefore "seems abrupt to me
To begin with, most of universities accept their new students based on their ability.
OP SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Feb 17, 2014   #5
This opinion guides management to make requirement for netting eligible candidates to sit in the university chairs.

In this sentence try to make link before describe about requirement (high school report and university early examination).

and sure this is the purpose

to build a smooth flow to convince the reader about your reasoning.

thank you in advance, Dumi


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