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IELTS Task 1 : Male graduate from Cullum university


SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Apr 15, 2014   #1
IELTS Task 1 : Male graduate from Cullum university

Helo friend,I cannot wait the beneficial advices from you all about this essay, thank you :DD
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The line chart illustrates a university report about the number of males graduate, from science faculty, in over sixteen years' period from 1995 to 2011.

Overall, the trend increases in the first half period although a decline occurs in the second half period.

The report of the line graph shows that 4 thousand male students graduated from the faculty of science in the Cullum University during a period of 1995. In the couple years, this trend increased slightly by 4.3 thousand before experienced a little dip to 4.1 thousand in 1999. Surprisingly, after a short dip period, the number of graduat males rebounded to almost twofold male scholars graduated from science faculty, this noted as the peak year.

A more closer, a downward about 1500 student over a-two years occurred between 2005 and 2007. Stance as the highest point by 7.5 thousand in 2005, the number of male student who graduated from Science faculty decreased gradually to just under 6 million in the year 2007. Since then onward, the trend leveled off by 6 thousand male graduating from the faculty of science Cullum University.




Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Apr 15, 2014   #2
The line chart illustrates a university report about the number of males graduate, from science faculty, in over sixteen years' period from 1995 to 2011.

The line graph illustrates the number of males who graduated from the Science Faculty of Cullum University from the year 1995 to 2011.

Overall, the trend increases in the first half period although a decline occurs in the second half period.

Overall, the number of male science graduates had significantly increased during the period under review though there had a few fluctuations in the trend.

You follow the most appropriate structure for this task :)
andial 21 / 48 3  
Apr 15, 2014   #3
Overall, the trend increases in the first half period although a decline occurs in the second half period.

The above sentence is pretty good as overview. Unfortunately, however, it does not represent the factual condition of the data. The first half period means the data from 1995 to 2003, it does not report data accurately. A more closer, there were a slight increase which happened from 1995 to 1997, a slight decrease (1997-1999), and a considerable increase (1997-2003).

The second half period, there were a continuing increase (2003-2005) and a tremendous decrese ( 2005-2007) before flattening in a particular number untill the end of period
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Apr 15, 2014   #4
In the next couple of years, this trend increased slightly by 4.3 thousand before it experienced a little dipslight drop to 4.1 thousand in 1999.

Surprisingly,after a short dip periodThereafter, the number of graduat malesmale graduates rebounded to almost twofold male scholars7500 in its numbersgraduated from science faculty, this noted as the peak year.

Avoid words like "surprising", "interestingly" etc. as this is written for the purpose of reporting. However, you show a great improvement now :)
OP SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Apr 15, 2014   #5
heloow, andial

it does not represent the factual condition of the data

.... thumbs up for your observation skill. Honestly, I didn't count as specific as you do. Perhaps, you should train me how to increase the skill in observe trend :)

quote=dumi]Avoid words like "surprising", "interestingly" etc. as this is written for the purpose of reporting[/quote] ... eye captain :DDDDD

You follow the most appropriate structure for this task :)

However, you show a great improvement now :)

Yiieha, I feel more comfortable than before when i do writing. This is because both of you and other contributors who always help me. Please keep give me advice.Thank you...
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Apr 16, 2014   #6
Thanks to Google, here is information about the paragraph
The key to organizing your body paragraphs for an IELTS writing task 1 is to group data together where there are patterns.
To study how to organize body paragraphs.
MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Apr 17, 2014   #8
The report of the line graph shows that 4 thousand male students graduated from the faculty of science in the Cullum University during a period ofin 1995. In the couple years , this trendfigure increased slightly byto 4.3 thousand before experienced a little dipfalling to 4.1 thousand in 1999. Surprisingly, after a short dip period, the number of graduate males rebounded to almost twofold male scholars graduated from science faculty, this noted as the peak yearnearly doubled and reached a peak of approximately 7500 in 2005 .

A more closer, a downwarddecrease of about 1500 student over a-two years occurred between 2005 and 2007. Stance as the highest point by 7.5 thousand in 2005, the number of male student who graduated from Science faculty decreased gradually to just under 6 million6000 in the year 2007 and remained steady at that level until the end of the period . Since then onward, the trend leveled off by 6 thousand male graduating from the faculty of science Cullum University.

You should avoid using redundant words in your essay!
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Apr 17, 2014   #9
Yes, I agree with MisterWandering.
It is always better to reflect on the number of redundant expressions people constantly use. Redundant expressions called pleonasms cannot give the idea across to the reader. In IELTS, you may get penalized :D


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