Unanswered [11] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

[task 1] Below is a map of the city of Brandfield - investments plan


LadyOfClockwork 30 / 102  
Oct 18, 2017   #1
Below is a map of the city of Brandfield. City planners have decided to build a new shopping mall for the area, and two sites, S1 and S2 have been proposed.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.


investments plan for brandfield



The map given illustrates the city of Brandfield where a new shopping mall is planned. Two sites, S1 and S2, have been put forward for consideration. In this essay, I will summarize their advantages and disadvantages by making appropriate comparisons.

In advance of a closer look at each option, it is sensible to present an overview of the city. There is a river meandering through the city center to the north, where is situated the housing estate on a road and a railway. To the east is built the industrial estate, whose edges are touched by the railway and the other road.

S1 is immediately north of the city center, within the narrow belt between the residential area and the river. Transportation is convenient to S1, as it is on the same traffic lines as the housing complex. Such a situation makes it readily accessible to urban dwellers or people working downtown. Customers can also go to the banks of the river to enjoy its murmurs when they have done their shopping.

In contrast, S2 lies to the southeastern end of the city. Despite its proximity to the roads and the railway, the location proves unfriendly to the residents because it is far from where they live. Moreover, the industrial complex just to its north will render it even more unfavorable, since the rumbles of machines are always a torture to shoppers. Yet there is still an advantage for S2: workers can take a brief break to buy what they want.

For all these differences, S1 and S2 are similar in one aspect. They suffer from a common disadvantage that they are both at a great distance from the golf course and park to the west of the city. Golfers will have to take a long ride on bus or train for shopping, be the mall constructed on S1 or S2.

Please feel free to give me advice. I am trying to improve my English proficiency by keeping writing. My current focus is on map analysis.



Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,252 3656  
Oct 18, 2017   #2
Gang, youwerethisclose to getting a 9 score from me. Do you want to know what made me downgrade your score to an 8? While you did cover all of the tasks sufficiently, you created a prompt deviation when you said that you would "summarize the advantages and disadvantages" you inadvertently created a prompt deviation. Why is it a prompt deviation? The "advantage and disadvantage" discussion is not part of the original prompt. You added a discussion that was not indicated in the original. You know what happens when you do that right? It was enough to simply make comparisons and indicate those differences within the body as part of the "comparison" discussion. There was no need to add "advantage and disadvantage" to the prompt. Remember, your aim is to create a close replica of the original prompt. That means you cannot change the discussion in any way. Overall though, perfect discussion. Just as I expected you to produce. Aside from that oversight, you have a pretty solid and high scoring essay here.
OP LadyOfClockwork 30 / 102  
Oct 18, 2017   #3
@Holt
I see. Thank you for your explanation. I've finally found the proper way to write map analyses on the strength of your insightful advice. I will keep improve my English accordingly to pursue a perfect 9 in the actual test.


Home / Writing Feedback / [task 1] Below is a map of the city of Brandfield - investments plan