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IELTS TASK 1 - The Measurement of Parent Happiness With Children


Bayuwibowo 48 / 73 21  
Sep 20, 2015   #1
These pie charts describe the happiness of parents with children in different ages. Overall, it can be seen that the parents which are fairly happy with their children has dominated in both charts. In general, parents become less happy when their children grow older.

The percentages of unhappy parents who have very young and teenage children represent the lowest portion in the charts at 3% and 4% respectively. This in stark contrast to parents who have a fairly happy feeling with their children having more than a half. Besides that, it is also accounted a slight rise by 11% as long as the children encounter a transition from a very young child to become a teenager.

Parents with a very happy feeling take a second highest percentage in each chart at around 47% of parents with very young children and 35% from parents with teenage children. This seems dropped by 12% along with a children growth and the percentages experienced a spread to a fairly happy and an unhappy parent. Furthermore, it seems the happiness of parents is decreased when their kids grow older.



vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Sep 20, 2015   #2
Hi Bayuwibowo, I've got some edits for your essay that I would like you to take note of. Most of them are grammar and sentence structure related again.

Overall, it can be seen that the parents which are fairly happy with their children has dominated in both charts .

- Both charts are dominated by parents who are fairly happy with their children.

This in stark contrast to parents who have a fairly happy feeling with their children having more than a half.

- Thisis in stark contrast...
- This sentence seems to be lacking information. Having more than half what?

Besides that, itis also accounted a slight rise by 11% as long as the children encounter a transition from a very young child to become a teenager.

- ... it also accountedfor a slight rise of 11 %

Parents with a very happy feeling take a second highest percentage in each chart

- ... take the second...

This seems dropped by 12% along with a children growth

- ... along with children's growth.

Not a bad essay. You did fairly well in expressing yourself with this report. It seems you are getting better with every essay. I look forward to continuing to review your work.
irfan727 49 / 68 29  
Sep 20, 2015   #3
oke bayu,, lets try to give some suggestions for you

These pie charts describe the happiness of parents with children in different ages.
based on the data, it is not describe about the happiness but it is about the percentage of happiness.

Thisseems dropped by 12% along with a children growth and the percentages
blue sign : if u want to make this sentence become passive, you need to add "to be" before verb3
green one : u put article "a" but after that u make it plural (ex: a children). so u have to make sure. is this a child or many children? i recommend you to change article with using "the"

This seems were dropped by 12% along with the children growth and the percentages

thanks, hopefully it can help
lcturn87 - / 435 236  
Sep 20, 2015   #4
I can help you with your summary.

I think that you should end the first sentence with "different age groups." The pie charts describes young children and teenagers and it is grouped according to these age brackets.

The beginning of the second paragraph: "The most unhappy parents, who have very young and teenage children, represent the lowest percentages in the charts at 3% and 4%, respectively." There are very few changes to this sentence. However, since you are comparing fairly unhappy and unhappy, "most unhappy" is a better way to describe the pie chart.

If you want to be more specific in the next sentence, you should describe the percentage. The only percentage that is more than a half is teenagers at 61%. "This is in stark contrast "In contrast, more than fifty percent of parents had a fairly happy feeling with their younger children."

The last sentence is confusing. I think the word order needs to be changed: "Yet, when children transition from a very young child to become a teenager, this accounted for a slight rise by 11% of fairly happy parents."

In this paragraph, the last two sentences were too similar because it described the fairly happy feeling of parents with teenagers. Now you have sentences that describe the younger children and the teenagers.

I hope this helps!
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Sep 20, 2015   #5
A closer look at the first paragraph shows that you have failed to present a relative clause. Instead of write "parents which" , you have to change it into "parents who". Following this, the first sentence in the second paragraph needs to be rewritten, since the sentence shows repetitive. You can write the sentence with this pattern: "while sentence, sentence." Still in the same paragraph, but in the second sentence, you missed subject and verb agreement. To solve this, you have to put "is", in between this and in. This will be "this is in". Lastly, you need to break the first sentence in the third paragraph into two, so as to bring clarity.
amicalrahul 2 / 4  
Sep 25, 2015   #6
Overall, it can be seen that the parents which are fairly happy with their children hashave dominated in both charts.


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