Hi Bayuwibowo, I've got some edits for your essay that I would like you to take note of. Most of them are grammar and sentence structure related again.
Overall, it can be seen that the parents which are fairly happy with their children has dominated in both charts .
- Both charts are dominated by parents who are fairly happy with their children.
This in stark contrast to parents who have a fairly happy feeling with their children having more than a half.
in stark contrast...
- This sentence seems to be lacking information. Having more than half what?
Besides that, it
is also accounted a slight rise by 11% as long as the children encounter a transition from a very young child to become a teenager.
- ... it also accountedfor
a slight rise of
Parents with a very happy feeling take
a second highest percentage in each chart
- ... take the
seems dropped by 12% along with a children growth
- ... along with children's
Not a bad essay. You did fairly well in expressing yourself with this report. It seems you are getting better with every essay. I look forward to continuing to review your work.