media is responsible to create violence in young are u agree or disagree?

sir i am prepear for IELTS TEST KINDLY HELP ME IN MY ESSAY WRITING

Nowadays,mostly people think that media is responsible to create violence in young people due to raised in our society.but i totally disagree with this b/c of some reason that i lighted below.

firstly media is a very fast electronic invention that update you about whatever happining in the world and also things that occuring in your society and gives the real picture. it telecast news,about science and technology,about education,researches and gives information about each and every thing of life ,however it gives different programmed based on violence and glamour but it still contain a message ,those who attemted this is wrong and submitted to prision.

furthermore ,the violence in young is increased b/c in these days parents are very busy ,both of them doing job to fullfill all the luxury of life for their kids but at the same time the kids are feel lonely at home feel too much depressed and as well as be upsets ,there in no one to guide him so they go out and act as agressively and being violent .

in my view,media is not responsible for this.it is the responsibility of parents to give the quality time of their young ones ,keep eyes on their activities and also guide them by conversation to him and by talked about your personnel previous experiences of lives and others so they remember it as a lesson.secondly government should keep strict rules for those who attempt any violence activity,and give them punish that will be act as a lesson not to involves in these activities other wise go to prison.third and last media should telecast different

programmes based on these violence activities and what concequencess are occured after this.

I think it is better to use inform instead of update.
media is a very fast electronic invention that inform you about whatever happening in the world.
Also
however it gives different programs based on violence and glamor but it still contains a message to those who attended this is wrong and submitted them to prison.

thanks for guide me.can u tell me about this essay and how can i improve my essay writing for IELTS

Nowadays, most people think that media is responsible for creating violence in young people due to the fact that they are raised in our society and exposed to various unhelpful media.

But I totally disagree with this b/c of some reason that I will highlight below.

First, the media is a very fast electronic invention that updates you about whatever is happening in the world and also things that are occurring in our society and gives the real picture.

It telecasts news, about science and technology, about education research, and it also gives information about each and every part of life.

This is a good sentence:
in my view,media is not responsible for this.
But why don't you capitalize the first letter of every sentence? Capitalize the first letter of every sentence! :-)

PLEASE Look at the sentences above, and find 5 changes that I made. Can you notice them and list them in your next post in this thread?

I hope you practice writing each sentence correctly 10 times! That will help you prepare. Here is another one:

Secondly governments should keep strict rules for those who attempt any violent activity and give them punishment that will act as a lesson to teach them not to be involved in these activities. Otherwise, they will go to prison.

Practice typing every correct sentence 10 times!

:-) Good luck on the ielts, friend!

I suggest you not to use words such as " in my view" for it is a persuasive essay =]