Unanswered [7] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 4


IELTS: Men and women are having children late. 'it can be more beneficial'



gggooniel 2 / 2  
Apr 4, 2014   #1
In some countries around the world men and women are having children late in life. What are the reasons for this development? What are the effects on society and family life?

As globalization grows apace, it has been experienced that most adults tend to give priority to have children later than in previous decades. There is a common belief that economic condition of individuals and social problems are the main reasons for this concern. And it can be resulted in some huge effects on society and family relationship.

Firstly, the cost of products and services which contribute to this phenomenon has been increased significantly in the total context of life. Practically, the tremendous financial burden on young couples may trigger difficult challenges. Therefore they directly are exposed postpone the decision of possessing new baby until they enable to better off financially. Secondly, it is also an inevitable fact that women are more reluctant to give a birth before they succeed to constant salary. Taking career preference as an example, most of young woman employee have an attitude to neglect her family life. In addition, Both genders may have parenthood fears regarding to take care of new kids regularly. This leads to increase the number of single people in the world.

Nevertheless, the consequences of delaying process cannot be neglected. For society, it can be contribute to alarming situation about declining of total world population. For example, when the figure for inhabitants follows a fall, it will directly cause the collapse of production volume in the all countries. Admittedly, this will be resulted in reduction on demand and supply rate. As the family prospective, they can get more opportunity of free time in young ages and various activities, for instance, they are more likely to participate in for relaxation purposes. So they can provide better life for other member of family after themselves.

In summary, it seems to me that both reasons and effects indicate the fact that leading a better life with children can be more beneficial in later ages.

dumi 1 / 6793  
Apr 4, 2014   #2
Taking career preference as an example, most of young womanwomen employeesare very career minded today and have an attitudetend to neglect hertheir family life in order to succeed with their career.

You write very well. I think you can aim for a very good score. Good Job and good luck with IELTS! :)
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1170  
Apr 10, 2014   #3
The mechanics are good.

Firstly , the cost of products and

Secondly , it is also an inevitable

When you write firstly, secondly, lastly to mention supporting points , I am afraid that you are overusing the linking devices. I think the better way is to avoid using lots of the connective words. If you think that you need to earn coherence and cohesion, pay particular attention to demonstrate cohesion.

regarding to take

Don't say regarding to. Just say regarding
Pahan 1 / 1824  
Apr 10, 2014   #4
Taking career preference as an example, most of young woman women employees are very career minded today and have an attitude tend to neglect her their family life in order to succeed with their career.

Yes, I agree fully with dumi... This is an outstanding essay. You can really aim for a great score if you can handle time for this task efficiently. :)

For society, it can be contribute to an alarming situation about declining of totalsuch that the world population may decrease drastically in its numbers in time to come.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS: Men and women are having children late. 'it can be more beneficial'
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳