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Money is the best option when choosing a career, do you agree or disagree?


NgocHai 1 / 1  
May 19, 2020   #1

Money as the main element of a potential job?



It is true that it is impossible to have a comfortable life without a decent income. While people argue that money is the key when it comes to occupation choosing, I personally believe that money and some other factors such as working environment and vacation should be equally put into consideration as I am going to analyze below.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that money is becoming increasingly important for living especially in the global urbanization context. In fact, there are numerous bills every month which consume a great deal of money such as house, electricity, water, internet, rubbish fee, and fuel. More importantly, with families who have children, there would be much more on their shoulders due to the fact that all parents want to give their child as well upbringing as possible. Therefore, it is understandable that salary tends to be one of the main concerned elements for any candidate.

On the other hand, it is obvious that a high and stable income, in a certain extent, would raise one's living standard, I am inclined that there are several other things that should be taken into account. The first one would be the working environment because most of us probably spend 30 to 40 percent of our lifetime working. This means that it would be terrible that the work environments are unhealthy and less absorbing, meaning that our life's quality could be declined dramatically. The other main key that should be considered regarding jobs opting would be vacations, resulted from the fact that our self-fulfillment can not be achieved by career alone. This means that people need to keep a balance between their work and other essential ingredients such as quality time with family and other relationships, entertaining activities.

In conclusion, while it is true that money should be taken as the main element of a potential job, I am convinced that the working environment and vacations should be taken equally into account.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,579 2488  
May 19, 2020   #2
When you are asked if you agree or disagree, that is cue to choose only one topic to discuss in the essay. You either support the statement or you don't. Your 2 discussion paragraphs should work towards supporting and proving that you have the correct opinion. Never use a comparative discussion for this essay. When you use a comparative discussion, your essay comes across as not having a clear opinion when one was required by the prompt. In fact, your essay even changed the discussion requirements, which means your essay has an incorrect discussion format from beginning to end.

Discussion Question: do you agree or disagree?
Response: I personally believe that money and some other factors such as working environment and vacation should be equally put into consideration


You changed the dis/agree essay into a comparative personal opinion discussion, which is not what the discussion instruction was. The response was simple as "I disagree with the statement" ,or "I do not believe in the stated opinion" , or any variation thereof that would signify a direct dis/agreement with the given discussion topic. Remember, the purpose of the essay is to have you choose one side of the discussion, and successfully talk about why you (do not) support the statement. It is not a middle of the aisle opinion essay. You can only do a comparative discussion in "discuss both points of view" essay instructed discussions.

As such, the essay will not receive a passing mark due to the error in discussion presentation. You also have several presentation errors that would pull down your score based on individual scoring considerations. I will not review those errors now because I prefer to address the bigger problem than the minute ones that really, won't help you achieve a passing score anyway.
OP NgocHai 1 / 1  
May 20, 2020   #3
Thank you Holt
That is a significant correction hence I will take it into consideration


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