importance of money in a new job
Some people believe that salary must be the top priority in choosing career, while others argue that there are other factors that are more important than having a lot of money. In my opinion, although money is always crucial for us, there are circumstances that seeking for a job with high salary is not a good idea, and there are other elements that should be considered first.
To begin with, it is not always wise to look for a job with high salary because you might not qualify for that job. Companies that offer a huge amount of money usually seek for candidates that pose great professional skills or many year experience. Most of the time, the number of people who are qualified enough to pass the interview is fewer than the number of people who are not. Hence, keep searching for these high salary jobs while you do not pose excellent skills is not a good way to start your career. I've seen lots of students looking for a job with high salary right after they graduated from universities, and most of them got rejected.
In addition, there are other elements that I believe to be more important than a good salary. These are working environment and promotion policy. A good working environment includes professional working space, opportunity to learn and develop your skills, experience different tasks and build up your career. Besides, promotion policy is considered a crucial factor for people who seek for long term goals in their jobs. Those people do not simply satisfy working as a normal employee, but always working hard to get promoted and achieve success. Therefore, in this situation, a job with good salary is not as important as a job with good promotion policy.
In conclusion, there are number of factors that affect the decision of choosing a job. Although high salary is often considered crucial element, I believe it is not the top priority.
Overall, it was a good essay. But there are some things in this essay that you might reconsider to use:
1. Try to replace "always" with some other words, for example "absolutely". The same with "high salary" (can be changed into high-paying")
2. "because you might not qualify for that job" => not be qualified enough
3. We should not use contraction in our academic essays.
4. You should try to use more linking verbs. It will make your essay more cohesive.
5. According to Cambridge Dictionary, "pose" means " to pretend to be something that you are not or to have qualities that you do not have, in order to be admired or attract interest", so I think you have misused it. "Pose a skill/experience" does not make sense.
P/s: I'm still a learner, so excuse me if there are any mistakes. Cheers :)
Holt Educational Consultant - / 12,839 4175
Kim, did you post the complete prompt instructions along with your essay response? It does not seem like you did so because the instructions you provided were not followed in the developed response. Rather than disagreeing or agreeing with the statement, you have discussed the factors important when it comes to choosing a job instead. This is a totally different essay from an opinion essay based on an agreement or disagreement with a given statement. Therefore, your essay failed the Task Accuracy portion. Since your response is not related to the original discussion, you will not receive a passing score for this essay. Your opening statement is not an accurate representation of the topic provided and the discussion method you were instructed to use. Such a mistake shows that you either did not understand the instructions or, you decided to ignore the given instructions. Therefore, the score for this essay would be a 4 in the TA portion because it responds to the given task in a very slight way. Your vocabulary and sentence development proves to only be within the simple sentence and vocabulary range so you probably won't get a score higher than a 4 in the LR and GRA sections. As for the C&C section, since you did not accurately discuss the given prompt, it will be hard for me to judge what considerations the examiner may have when judging this section due to the problems with the previous sections. If I were to guess your score for that section though, I would give it a uniform score of 4 as well since your response is slightly unrelated to the task provided.