IELTS-TASK 2:Money is important in most people's lives

Money is important in most people's lives. Although some people think it is more important than others.
What do you feel are the right uses of money? What other factors are important for a good life?

At present,money are becoming one of the most popular things in our society in different perspectives.Therefore,some people believe that making money is more necessary and meaningful than doing pointless things.From my vantage point,i think that people are totally able to participate in other interesting activities instead of just earning money

To commence with,we can not deny the fact that people may opposite with many challenges as well as financial problem without money.Futhermore,the cost of living and services are being increased sharply day by day,so earning much money is the main condition to live and exist in modern society.For instance,the statistical table of finance of Viet Nam have showed that the group of people who have better skills in communication and getting money will be more successful and achieve their aims easily.

Nonetheless,we do not have a certain money usage,that's why we can use them to pay for your hobby or maybe for volunteer activities beside disbursing for the cost of service in daily life .In addition,a meaningful life is not only included money,but also coming from the relationship.Without support from relationship,you apparently do not have enough abilities to survive lonely.Here is the suitable reason explaining why working in group will be more effective and better than solitary working.

In conclusion,it can be seen clearly that although money has an important role in daily life,we do not forget other essential things,because the existence of us is formed and created from various distinction in living

Your overall discussion is choppy. It sometimes veers off topic and does not provide a clear connection with the discussion guide questions. Your prompt restatement and writer's opinion needs more of a connection to the original It almost feels like you are not restating nor giving the correct writer's opinion in the first paragraph.

The succeeding paragraphs struggle to connect to the original presentation as well. This all boils down to you not having the proper English speaking or writing abilities at this point. There is a problem with vocabulary choices, which creates confusing presentations in terms of ideas. These difficulties should improve as you get used to the language. I am not worried about those errors. I can see that you are trying to answer properly so I know you will eventually get to the point where you can correctly express yourself.