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Writing Task 2 - Mountain or Beach for Holiday time

ekprtiwi29 1 / -  
Jan 4, 2021   #1

Mountain or Beach, which one is more preferable for vacation?

Going to the mountain is the best choice activity that can people to do enjoying holiday. They believe that climb the mountaj a good effect to their mental anda body health. The best destination enjoying with firenda is going to beach. They, sure that can be increased good mood and the sense of community is tighter. Generally, I agree that going to mountain can be help human for increase the health. However, go to beach with friends bring a good effect to the rise charming good mood.

It is important that going to mountain is considered to the best time for hliday. Because can be a person feel better relaxing and additional mental and body health. For example somepeople going to mountain Bromo or Rinjani with the on foot, that trip can be enjoying the natural scenery and phisic health exercise. It has resulted that people avoid stress and make the mind becomes fresher. It is clear going to mountain give a good effect when do at holiday.

It is important that going to beach can be better time with friends. Because, go to beach with friends will be make so many activities can be do it. For example played game volleyball and make a sand castle in the Siangau or Matras Beach. It has resulted that increased rise charming and good mood. It is clear going to beach can have better time with friends.

In conclusion, although going to mountain the best time for holiday can be increased mental and body health. Going to beach with Friends make a person additional mood and sense community is tighter. It is a suggested that a person can do both activities with friends and don't do the activities just when feel stress or just holiday, but activities like that can be do it everytime, if fell tired with activities in the workdays.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,132 3267  
Jan 5, 2021   #2
Do not form the opening paragraph in a manner that represents a personal opinion instead of a public sentiment as promoted in the original presentation. Your personal opinion, or response to the given question regarding the discussion, should not come until the last 2 or final sentence at the end of the restated paragraph. When asked for a personal choice or opinion, it is best to clearly set out an opinion in support of one of the two discussion topics. This will help settle the clarity of your opinion as you will be within range of the personal opinion question pertaining to which one YOU prefer for your vacation.

You have to complete this discussion within a 5 paragraph response. The first 2, should represent the reasons why people prefer the beach (one paragraph) or, the mountains (another paragraph), the last paragraph , should be representative of where you prefer to spend your vacation. Hence creating a comparative essay with a personal opinion.

Avoid using the same phrase to start your paragraph twice in a row. This shows a clear limitation of your English sentence formation abilities, since you prefer to use cut and paste or memorized phrases for that portion ( It is important...) It appears that you copied the writing method of the other person who posted a similar topic at this forum because you have the same discussion pattern, and the same writing problems. Please do not merely plagiarize the writing of others. Copying the way other people write means you also copy their mistakes and, in the process, results in you failing to write a proper essay based on your own writing skills and talents. You will fail because you did not even try to write something original. You chose to copy someone else instead.
Krystal318 9 / 20 2  
Jan 6, 2021   #3
I've checked for your grammar errors. Here are some:
First paragraph:
....that people can do to enjoy...
Climbing the mountains has ... effectsfor mental and physical health
The best ... to enjoy ...
My advice is that you should be more careful with your vocabulary since you made an abundance of errors that you could have avoided with caution.

Second, you should write words that you understand well instead of trying to use high-level words without knowing how. For example, the verb "result" you used in your second and third paragraph are not appropriate. You should use "it resulted in + noun"

Third, you should practice more with your verb tense as you made quite a lot of mistakes. For example, in last paragraph, you should write "going with ... makes ..."

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