Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

IELTS Task 2 : MOVING THE INDUSTRIAL CENTER TO SUBURBS AREAS


Mardy17 32 / 18 5  
Feb 20, 2016   #1
In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

The government in several nations around the world prompt the companies in the metropolitan city to move their business activities in suburban areas. Although this decision can affect the local environment in suburbs areas, I believe this notion brings the benefit such as the economic growth and the availability of occupation for the occupants in a countryside.

The threat of the manufacture activities toward the natural environment is the possible drawbacks that should be taken into account when government decide to relocate the industrial city to countryside areas. This is because the waste productions of the certain industries which contain chemical are generally dumped into surroundings. For example, in 2008 in Indonesia, lots of industry centers are moved to the outskirts areas with consideration to unravel congestion in the capital city, but the production activities of those firms are not environmentally and even bring detrimental effect to the surrounding, such as river water pollution. However, I strongly believe that this issues basically cannot be happened if the companies maintain the regulation as well as the government supervise the industrial activities.

In reverse, the improvement of the local economy in the countryside is the obvious advantages when business and industrial sectors are relocated. This consideration can provide the job opportunity for many occupants because a great number of companies compulsorily involve and employ the local citizens in their firms. For instance, the data from The Indonesian ministry of industry and trade reveals that the rate of economic growth in the area around the industrial areas increased dramatically during 2011 by approximately 6.83% from the previous year. In this way, local governments will be able to reduce the number of unemployed in the region. Besides, the presence of these companies in the countryside will improve the quality and skills of human resources in the surrounding area. This is because the company need well-trained employees to cooperate in their company.

To sum up, despite the fact that the relocation of industrial centres to the suburbs can possibly threaten the natural surrounding due to the detrimental waste production, I firmly believe that the available of work opportunity and the improvement of the economy sector in outskirts are the merits that outweigh the demerit.

indah_hai 19 / 38 4  
Feb 20, 2016   #2
Dear Mardy17,

Well, I am impressed how well you organized the writing, but if we count it, it is 369 words.. Maybe little bit shorter is better..

Besides, the presence of these companies in the countryside will improve the quality and skills of human resources in the surrounding area. This is because the company need well-trained employees to cooperate in their company.

For example this sentences. I think the explanation after its topic sentence is already enough

Thanks
-indah-
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Feb 20, 2016   #3
Hi Mardy, upon reading and understanding your essay, I must say that you are able to
create a good essay. I would like to suggest that you change the one below;

3rd paragraph:

- In reverseOn the contrary , the improvement of the local....

Apart from the one above, I believe that you were able to create a good essay and
you were able to give a good argument on the idea of moving businesses outside of the
city.

Moreover, you were able to get into the main idea and it made sense in your essay.
Sometimes, writers tends to create an essay that is rather creative but not necessarily straight
to the point, the good thing about this essay is that the prompt was answered in a
timely manner will all the necessary information in order to justify the reason of the response.

I hope my insights and remarks helped, should you need further assistance, do let us know.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 : MOVING THE INDUSTRIAL CENTER TO SUBURBS AREAS