IELTS essay: Museums as a form of entertainment or education?

Please check this work for me! Thank you very much!

Some people find visiting museums boring as a form of entertainment, while others believe that the role of museums is to educate people, not entertain. Discuss, what is your opinion?

In our world today, there is a wide variety of museums where people can travel to and see differently interesting things. Some people state that visiting museums is only a form of recreation; others disagree, arguing that museums play a role in education. In fact, each of these arguments has its own validity.

Firstly, museums such as art and music can offer people with a wide range of entertainment activities. For example, they often organise traditional music events performed by local or other famous artists that people can attend to and enjoy to some extent. Another point is that many visitors nowadays may choose to come to museums just for pleasure or as one of the activities that they take part in their holiday trips. This, therefore, makes museums a place to entertain in people leisure time.

On the other hand, the establishment of a particular museum like history, science, or oceanography is usually attached to educational purposes. As can be seen, school and university students and teachers are always the guests of museums because the places are where they can discover and obtain a large amount of information related to their studies and teaching. In addition, there are a number of seminars and conferences held at museums that are informative and necessary for scholars and experts in their fields of research. In this way, museums prove the supporting role in human education.

In conclusion, visiting museums is clearly seen as both means of entertainment and education. However, from my viewpoint, people should perceive the value of museums in enhancing their own knowledge about the world they live in.

Good job! You are taking the test soon, yes? I think you will pass.

You don't need the "however" in your last sentence, as it in no way contradicts the sentence it follows.

I don't see any glaring errors, although there is room for improvement. I'll let others get good practice by making suggestions.

You could even have argued that the best forms of education are those that entertain. There is considerable evidence that play evolved as a natural form of enjoyable learning. Given that, the notion that there must be a dichotomy between education and entertainment, as the prompt implies, is questionable at best.

Thanks for good ideas. I must bear those in mind!