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IELTS; SHARE WEALTH AMONG POORER NATIONS


Eve 3 / 12  
Jul 2, 2009   #1
Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the government of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves?

In the community, there are poor people as well as rich ones. Some poor people receive help from other richer people but most rich people neglect the content ones. They just carry on with their own businesses without offering any help. as a result, poor people in a country remain penniless and if some unfortunate rich people bankrupted, the number of poor people will increase within a nation.

The same concept goes with much bigger communities, which are countries, nations and their governments. If wealthy nations do not offer any help to poorer nations, there will be less number of developed or even developing countries. As a matter of fact, the world can be exemplified as a one big family. Normally, in a family, affluent family members look after poorer ones. Therefore, as for wealthy nations, they should offer help to countries facing poverty. They are rich and have plenty of food and possessions. Should not they share some to poorer nations? It will be much beneficial in the future if nations help each other to develop.

Yet, another point to consider is that, at the side of the government of a poor country, the authorities have two choices; accept the help from outside or decline politely. First, they should check their financial condition which is country's income. If they are sure that they could cope to develop themselves, they should not accept the help offer. Thus there are other countries, with much worse conditions, which desperately need aids.

In conclusion, nations should help each other when one is in trouble. In this way, there will be increasing number of rich and developed countries in the world.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Jul 2, 2009   #2
most rich people neglect the content ones.

Why would they need to help people who are already content?

They just carry on with their own businesses without offering any help. as a result, poor people in a country remain penniless and if some unfortunate rich people bankrupted, the number of poor people will increase within a nation.

The poor could try earning more money. Even if they can't, for whatever reason, this doesn't immediately mean that the rich should help them. If you live in a largish city, try walking around it for a couple of hours each day, giving $5 to everyone who asks you for change. At the end of a month (or two, or three, depending on how wealthy you are to begin with) do you think that everyone would be much wealthier than when they began, or that you would would merely be much poorer? Of course, you may object that you are not rich, but if you have access to the internet and plan on going to university, odds are good that you probably aren't poor. This would lead to the interesting notion that perhaps you should define your key terms, such as "poor," "rich," and "help."

As a matter of fact, the world can be exemplified as a one big family.

How do you justify this?

Therefore, as for wealthy nations, they should offer help to countries facing poverty.

"Therefore" implies a logical conclusion. There is no logic here, though, only a series of assertions.

It will be much beneficial in the future if nations help each other to develop.

This may be so, but you have not explained why this should be true.

And so on. Your essay mostly says that it would be nice if rich people helped out poorer people, and rich nations helped out poorer nations. This is a common sentiment, and it may even be true, but you haven't provided any logical reasons or examples to back up your points. So, you can either try to tighten the logic for the reasons you attempt to give, or come up with stronger reasons altogether.
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Jul 2, 2009   #3
I think the essay will be stronger if you ground it in a specific place. Specify which "community" you are describing in the first paragraph, and then broaden (as you already do) to talk about countries.

If you are looking for additional arguments, consider these:

Many wealthy nations became so by extracting labor and resources, by force, from those now impoverished. From this perspective, it's not charity but rather repayment that is due.

Poverty leads to disease, which in this world of easy global travel, rarely remains local. HIV/AIDS can be traced to the slaughter of apes for "bush meat" by people too impoverished to eat anything else. Now it is a worldwide pandemic, killing people and draining resources from every country on earth.

Poverty is also associated with conflict over scarce resources. Just as violence spills out of ghettos to suburban communities, resource wars within countries tend to end up hurting many more people than the direct combatants.
OP Eve 3 / 12  
Jul 3, 2009   #4
oh! okay....I will come up with more stronger arguments next time. Well...the main difficulty I'm having when I write argumentative essays is I cannot think of strong supporting points for a main idea. I know that some of my lines are not very well reasoned but I'm still trying to get more stronger points.
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Jul 4, 2009   #5
the main difficulty I'm having when I write argumentative essays is I cannot think of strong supporting points for a main idea

Do you brainstorm before writing or try to think up the arguments as you go along?
OP Eve 3 / 12  
Jul 4, 2009   #6
Sometimes yes but err....I use to write all I have in my mind without organizing the ideas and I hate that habit. Better sort that out soon.. :)
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Jul 4, 2009   #7
Especially with timed essays, people often get over-anxious to begin and just start writing before organizing their ideas. But, even when writing a timed essay, it always pays to take even a few minutes to generate and then organize your ideas before beginning to write.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Jul 4, 2009   #8
And, as I indicated you should do with this essay, start by defining your key terms. So, in this case, you might have defined what it means to be wealthy, how nations attain this status, what it means to be poor, how other nations attain this status, and so on. This will often give you a set of premises to build on. For instance, consider the following two views of wealth:

A) Wealth consists of finite resources that can be consumed for human benefit. Anyone who obtains more wealth than others therefore does so at their expense, by taking wealth that is no longer available for others to draw on.

B) Wealth is generated by productive activity. Wealth, like money, is therefore made, not found, created, not discovered. Anyone who produces wealth therefore benefits others, by adding to the total amount of wealth in the world.

These are two very different views of wealth, and people who subscribe to version A will likely come up with a very different answer to the prompt than will people who subscribe to version B. Even if they do happen to agree, I guarantee their arguments in favor of their thesis will be utterly dissimilar. For the record, the first view tends to predominate in poorer nations, whereas the second predominates in wealthier ones, which may go a long way towards explaining why the wealthier nations are in fact wealthier. And of course, these are only two understandings of the nature of wealth. Still others are possible, including ones which draw on elements present in both of these.
trangquynh 4 / 20  
Jul 6, 2009   #9
Hi, Eve
When do you take ur ielts exam? I am going to do it this Saturday.
I talk to you the following things because I think it is important to your writing.
There are some points you may need improve here:
First, I can't see the thesis statement in your introduction. This is really important in an ielts essay. You should show the reader what you are going to do in the body of your essay.

Next, the topic sentences in your two paragraphs are not clear enough. Actually, I find it a little difficult to understand clearly your meaning.
Actually, I always get troubled with ielts writing but it is essential to follow some basic rules in writing an ielts essay. You may think that seems mechanical. However, if having a lot of time left, you should learn to be familar with 3 types of essays: discussion, opinion and problems and solutions (the way they are structured)which regularly appear in this test.

I hope you find this useful!
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Jul 6, 2009   #10
trangquynh, thank you for sharing this good advice rooted in your own experience with IELTS essays.
OP Eve 3 / 12  
Jul 8, 2009   #11
thank you trangquynh...i'm going to sit for IELTS in the coming August
tiantian12 8 / 47  
Jul 12, 2009   #12
Some comments on first part
There always exist both rich and poor people in one community. Some poor people receive help from other rich people but most rich people neglect the content ones.(what do you mean by content ones?) They just pay attention to thier own businesses without offering any help to the society. As a result, poor people in a country have terrible living condition. What's more, if some unfortunate rich people bankrupted, the number of poor people will gradually increase.


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