Essay about whether the natural talent is important or not

talent or effort?

There is some debate that to what degree are famous musician or athlete born with natural talents or it could be trained to become successful ones. I'm going to shed some lights in both points of view and extend my partial support to the former view.

It appears to me that inherent talent plays an important role in training progress to become a successful person in sport and artist. According to a scientific research, gene contributes 50% in practicing of a trainer. For instance, athlete who get physical ability can endure virtually high intensive process than normal person and also evolve rapidly after the same period of time. It is by all means that artist such as singer, actor, actress nearly need to innate talent in order to start the interest in this area. Singer needs excellent voice, artist need emotion of drawing and actor needs soulful eyes. All of them couldn't be taught or practiced, that is natural.

Conversely, It's struggle to get remarkable progress and achievement whether people don't try their best. 70% of feat are due to a hard training and patience. Although you were born with talent, you can't get to the final stage of career if you don't practice. Nothing is impossible when people reach their limits so that never give up despite the later beginning. Humble starter sometimes can emerge than inherent genius

To conclude, Genius is not only natural-born talent, but also need willing to reach to the top of life known as long endurance. However, it is more effortless for natural ability to become distinguished features.

I'm practicing for IELTS test. Please check my essay and make comment. Thank you

@futasodi
Hi. Good luck with your IELTS! I hope that receiving this feedback would help motivate you as well to do your best in the upcoming tests.

The first paragraph is quite confusing. From the first sentence, it was quite unclear what you were trying to say. To avoid having these rather confusing compositions, I highly recommend that you try to shorten and simplify your writing a little bit more. This will help you pick up a pace for your writing.

Furthermore, the second paragraph's overall structure is quite daunting. While it's alright to have citations on the second sentence, it becomes off-putting if its correlation with the first sentence is unclear. Try to gradually place these types of data to avoid this issue.