Hi there, please give me some advice about the essay below. Thanks!
Some people think that it is necessary to travel abroad to learn about other countries. However, other people think that it is not necessary to travel abroad because all the information can be seen on TV and the Internet. Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion.
to be informed traveling abroad
When it comes to travel, people might regard it as a vital process to learn knowledge about different countries. While others argue that multiple information on TV and the internet are enough for the public to learn about the world. Personally, I strongly support that it is necessary to visit countries and learn about them.
First of all, people can experience cultures by traveling which might never be done by simply surfing the net or watching a TV program. During a journey in foreign countries, people appreciate magnificent sceneries with their eyes, feel the local atmosphere of the city, and taste traditional cuisine. Most importantly, people have the opportunity to experience and to interact with people from various cultures. To experience is the best way to know a country impressively.
Some people see knowing the world through traveling as needless. Since traveling abroad seems to be money consuming, people are more likely to do research on websites and get information on TV programs around the world. Having hundreds and thousands of information on the internet, we can gain knowledge for free. Through interesting TV shows, we can also understand international issues more easily. It might be the most convenient way for the public nowadays to learn about the world.
For me, learning about the world is not just about knowledge, it is the unique experiences we have that make travel necessary. For instance, there are a variety of videos and articles on the internet which lead to the romantic vision of France. However, without visiting France, I might never know that the chilling lifestyle of this country attracts me the most. With traveling, people may discover and value the fantastic experience they might never get from the internet and TV.
To sum up, traveling abroad and getting information through websites and TV shows have their Pros and Cons. The reason makes traveling necessary is the experience people gain during their tours, which a program or article can never replace.
i believe it's a good writing task, you are on topic, the introductions is good, discussed the 2 opinions and gave your chosen one.
i believe you have to choose more advanced vocab, also different tenses are more likely needed. it would be better if you talked in passive too.
your summary is good too.
Ronia, the essay clearly states that you have to write a 5 paragraph essay with 2 of these opinions being sourced from the public opinion. However, in your prompt restatement, you indicated that this was a single point of view essay by offering a direct response to the question instead of informing the reader that the discussion will be based on a 3 point of view reference.
Then, when you discussed the reasoning paragraphs, you failed to signify the ownership of the opinions being presented in the first 2 paragraphs. It appeared that rather than discussing the public points of view, you represented your opinion of the two points of view instead. Ownership phrases would have worked to strengthen the discussion towards the right approach. You could have said:
When considering the argument of people who prefer to watch travel TV...
While those who prefer to actually travel to various places...
My opinion is that...
Aside from that small error in presentation, I would have to say that you did a good job of discussing the given topic. It is interesting and well informed. The reader would definitely benefit from your insights.