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IELTS Writing Task 2 - Negative effects of fast food


Emperor Penguin 3 / 9  
Nov 4, 2021   #1
Many claim that the fast food industry had negative effects on the environment, eating habits and families.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?



The prevalence of fast food is widely deemed to be detrimental to Mother Nature as well as key aspects of a healthy life, including diets and domestic relationships. Personally, I am an ardent advocate of the mentioned viewpoint.

That convenience food adversely affects what one eats is readily apparent. A rise in red meat, salt and calories intakes is witnessed for virtually all people embarking upon the consumption of fast food on a regular basis, compared to their previous self-cooked meals with fresh ingredients bought from the market which might be more of an organic nature. In other words, owing to fast food being easily accessible to them, these individuals switch from a more or less healthier home-made diet to quick meals want of nutritions and high in substances that give rise to severe health issues such as hypertension, obesity and cardiovascular diseases.

Opponents of fast food also point to the fact that the constant use of it contributes to family aloofness, with which I consent. Ready meals of this kind deprive husbands and wives, as well as parents and children, of the opportunity to prepare and have dinner together after working separately for a whole day. This absence of family activities could, over a long period of time, induces a frosty atmosphere and a lack of mutual understanding among family members.

In addition, there are environmental concerns raised with regards to the increasingly expanding junk food industry. Hamburgers, one of the most celebrated types of fast food, have beef as their core component. The significant demand for such ingredient encourages the farming of beef cattle, whose excrement releases methane, which is an even more potent candidate than carbon dioxide as a culprit behind global warming.

To conclude, I am convinced that the expense of fast food brands thriving is the public's dietary plans and domestic happiness, as well as the environment, Earth's atmosphere in particular, are all negatively impacted.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,672 4113  
Nov 7, 2021   #2
While the writer shows a relatively wide English vocabulary, the writing is mostly devoid of a logical discussion. A native English speaker will easily recognize that the writer has said the same thing repeatedly in the same paragraph. There is a lack of discussion development that adds depth to the discussion. The writer comes across as a writer who is more focused on word count rather than the coherence and cohesiveness of the statements.

There are transition words used in the essay, but not enough. As there are 3 topics for discussion more transition words and transition sentences should be found/read in the writing. The writer must focus on the substance of the essay, not just vocabulary usage.
OP Emperor Penguin 3 / 9  
Nov 7, 2021   #3
@Holt
Thank you very much for your advice!


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