Newly built houses - ESSAY IELTS WRITING TASK 2

Task 2:
Some people think that newly built houses should follow the style of old houses in local areas. Others think that people should have freedom to build houses of their own style.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is believed that the architectural style of new houses should be the same as that of old buildings in local areas, while others contend that people should be free to design their own style of house. I agree with the second view.

On the one hand, the major reason why modern constructions should follow the style of the old ones is that this helps preserve the tangible cultural heritage, which could boost revenue from tourism industry in these areas. Hoi An, which is one of the most famous ancient towns in Viet Nam, perfectly exemplifies for this situation. In fact, Hoi An has been renowned for old houses in tubular shape, built with traditional architectural ensemble during the 17th century. As a result, Hoi An has become a popular tourist destination that attracts millions of domestic and foreign visitors on an annual basis.

On the other hand, there are strong arguments that people should have the right to choose their own style of house. First, the style of old buildings may not suit some people as each individual has own taste and aesthetic appreciation. Therefore, it is irrational to force people to erect houses in a specific pattern. Second, it would be much cheaper to build a modern simple house rather than one which has to reflect architectural features. This means that traditional construction materials, like wood, tiles and stone are of great difficulty to obtain due to the high cost of them, whereas new houses are built using affordable materials, such as aluminium or plastic.

In conclusion, although it is said that the design of modern and traditional buildings should be the same, I personally think that owners should decide to create their house the way they prefer.

@hongnhung309
You say that you support the second viewpoint. So, you should:
1st paragraph: 1st reason why you support. give example.
2nd paragraph: 2nd reason why you support the viewpoint. give example
I think this is the biggest problem in your essay.

The prompt paraphrase still contains several original words from the original discussion presentation ( in local areas, be free to design their own style of house) . Since these words are still in the original form or, too close to the original, the examiner will still see these words as memorized phrases in the cut and paste form. By not using enough alternative words in your restatement, you will be negatively affecting your GRA score. You may end up with a lower than passing consideration in that section. Try to use more descriptive words that still retain the original meaning in terms of word usage.

While this essay does use a comparative discussion approach, you failed to properly reflect the group reasoning discussion for the 2 public points of view. Those were to be presented based on the original discussion topics in individual paragraphs, prior to your personal statement. Your personal opinion should not be presented in the prompt restatement yet. Only the discussion instruction should be paraphrased in that portion, allowing you to explain what the discussion format / outline will be. So it should look like this:

Par. 2: Public point of view 1. Explain where this point of view comes from and why it is a valid discussion point
Par. 3: Public point of view 2. Again, describe the validity of this point of view
Par. 4: Portray your analysis of both POV's and then offer your opinion and why you believe your opinion properly supports one of the two POV's.

As per the GRA requirements, you should be using the group and first person pronouns at least once in this type of presentation. Using those references will help you increase your GRA score as you show that you are capable of using proper pronouns when required in a discussion. Pronouns are part of a basic English sentence structure and should be reflected somehow in the discussion presentation. When you do not use the pronouns, your essay comes across as a totally personal point of view discussion, which is not the format this essay discussion requires.

The personal ipinion is often appended to the conclusion by most students. That is the incorrect approach. The personal opinion will help give clarity and coherence to your discussion. It is a major scoring consideration. Never use it as a single sentence in the concluding presentation. It must always be a completely developed stand alone discussion presentation before the concluding paragraph.

The concluding paragraph must summarize the preceding discussion. It must never contain a continuing discussion such as a personal opinion because that leaves you with an open ended essay. That means, the essay is not properly formatted as there are 2 rephrasing presentations required, once in the first paragraph, and another in the last paragraph. That is the 5th paragraph for this type of essay presentation.