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IELTS Writing Task 1: the number of university graduates in Canada over fifteen years

Annie97 3 / 6 2  
Jan 11, 2020   #1
Hi, the following is my essay on IELTS Writing Task 1.

canadian graduates statistics

The graph presents the number of graduate in a university in Canada in fifteen years, from 1992 to 2007. Generally, the amounts of female and male graduates both rose in the past fifteen years, and female graduates had been more than male graduates during the period of time.

The number of female graduates in 1992 was near 100000 while the number of male graduates in 1992 was a little more than 70000. In 2007, there were around 150000 female graduates which was 50000 more than female graduates in 1992. On the other hand, the number of male graduates only increased less than 30000, meaning less than 100000 in total in 2007. The number of both female and male graduates dropped in 1997 to 1999, but the total number were still higher than the number in 1992.

Female graduates was more than male graduates throughout the fifteen years, and the gap was becoming larger. In 1992, female graduates was 30000 more than male graduates, 100000 and 70000 respectively; however, in 2007, female graduates was 150000 and male graduates was 100000, indicating the latter was 50000 less than the former.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,753 3795  
Jan 12, 2020   #2
You did well in presenting your analysis of the graph. It is clear that you spent time analyzing the line graph information. You also wrote 188 words, which is good enough to get an overall impressive score in terms of cohesiveness, coherence, and vocabulary skills. There are very little errors in this essay. One error that I saw was that you used the wrong noun phrase when referring to the plural form of graduate which is graduates. There is also a subject-verb agreement issue in the last paragraph when referring to the female graduates (was = were). Remember that you also need to be mindful of your word choices. Don't use complex words when simple references will suffice (indicating = showing).
OP Annie97 3 / 6 2  
Jan 12, 2020   #3
Thank you for the feedback!

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