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The number of people with higher education level who planned to leave Bulgaria increased every year


intana28 4 / 6  
Aug 13, 2016   #1
IELTS TASK 1 : Level of education of Bulgarians Planning to leave Bulgaria

The vertical bar chart describes the percentages of three different levels of Bulgaran people's education who wanted travel abroad in 2002,2006 and 2008. Overall, the percentage of people with higher education level who planned to leave Bulgaria was the highest in every year.

To begin, in 2002, there was a high percentage of Bulgarians people's with secondary education have planned to leave their country which was 65%. Meanwhile, ony 18% of Bugarian people from primary and lower education tought to go to other countries. Following by the figure of people with higher education was only 17%.

In 2006, the percentage of the level of Bulgarian people's education in secondary education fell slightly. However, the figures for higher education and primary and lower education rose which were 20% and 19%, respectively.

In the last period of time, there was about two times increase in the percentage of Bulgarian people's with primary and lower education. Meanwhile, the figure for higher education was approximately twice lower than in 2006.




akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Aug 13, 2016   #2
Hi Intan.
These are my correction to improve your score.

The vertical bar chart describes the percentages of three different levels of Bulgaran BULGARIAN people's education who wanted travel ...

THE ALTERNATIVE SENTENCE: THE VERTICAL BAR CHART SHOWS THE PERCENTAGE OF BULGARIAN WHO WILL TRAVEL TO ANOTHER COUNTRY, BASED ON DEGREES OF EDUCATION IN THREE DISTINCT YEARS; 2002, 2006, AND 2008. OVERALL, IT IS SEEN THAT STUDENT OF SECONDARY SCHOOLS WAS LIKELY TO CONTINUE THEIR FUTURE PLAN ABROAD. MOREOVER, THERE WAS A SIGNIFICANT INCREASE IN INTEREST OF THE STUDENTS IN A SAME CASE FOR THE PRIMARY AND LOWER EDUCATION, WHILE THE HIGHER EDUCATION EXPERIENCED A FLUCTUATION IN THIS TIMEFRAME.

Note:
I am delighted to tell you that you have got the point for writing a good structure. You have included the paraphrase, overview, and body paragraph. However, you need bravery to compare figures of the data. You have seemed safe play. On condition that you wanna escalate your score, you have to compare those. Be careful for miss-spelling. There are some words which misspell. One of the essential factors is grouping. You need it to create the good flow in your writing. For example, in the first body paragraph, you explain about a comparison of secondary and primary education because those have the reverse trend. However, you only describe the data in 2002 and 2008. After that, you illustrate secondary schools at the second body paragraph, compared with the other figures in 2006.

If you wanna get the high score, your writing must be impressive.
.I really believe you can conduct that..
Practice again and again..


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