Writing Task 1 - the number of Vietnamese students studying abroad in three countries

WRITING TASK 1 (The line graph):

The line graph illustrates the number of Vietnamese students studying abroad in three countries, namely France, Russia and America from 2000 to 2015.
Overall, it can be seen that while the figure for foreign students applying to France and America increased over the period, Russia saw a decline. In addition, America experienced the biggest upward trend in the study overseas of Vietnamese pupils. Besides, it is also noticeable to note that Russia never surpassed France in studying abroad for Vietnamese students.

Looking at the graph in more detail, in 2000, the figure for Vietnamese students studying abroad in America was nearly 1.5 millions, in comparison with France and Russia was 3.5 millions and 3 millions respectively. Five years later, America witnessed a significant increase of 500 thousand in the number of students in Vietnam. Whereas, there was a decrease by approximately 1 million in applying to Russia and France.

Over the next five years, the amount of studying abroad of Vietnamese students in France remained unchanged at roughly 2.5 millions. At the same time, the figure for those students grew continually in America. By contrast, in Russia, there was a drop to below 2 millions pupils. From the year 2010 onwards, the number of Vietnamese students attending school rose in all three nations. To be more specific, America reached the highest point of 5 millions people, followed by France with the number of about 4.8 millions students and the lowest number was Russia at 2.5 millions.

• 
  Writing task 1
  

The most obvious problem of the test taker emanates from the LR section. The writer is using the archaic term " millions" which has not been used in regular English writing since the 1800's. There are actually differences in writing the plural form of "million" in modern times. As a rule, S is not added in the following scenarios:

- When following a definite number reference ( 1.5 million )
- As a quantifier reference ( several million students )

An S is only added at the end when a generic numerical reference is inferred ( millions of students ).

The other grammar errors are minimal in nature, with the plural situation being the biggest concern as the error is repeated throughout the presentation. Not to worry though, the report remains highly understandable to the reader and provides the expected writing format.

Hi, I just want to give some feedback on your essay.
1. In IELTS writing task 1, you should make your online as short and comprehensive as possible. (only one to two sentences to focus on the body).

For example, in this graph, I will make a short outline like:
- All countries have an upward trend except for Russia.
- A reversed trend was seen in the beginning and ending of America and France. (or you can bring this to your body)
2. In this sentence: "... students studying abroad in America was nearly 1.5 millions, in comparison with France and Russia was 3.5 millions and 3 millions respectively"
In comparison with combines with a noun phrase, so combining with a clause seems inappropriate and the "millions" error is mentioned above.
My recommendation is that you should replace "was" with "with" or add a connector.
3. The word "whereas" you use is unusual. Its structure is "___clause___, whereas ___clause___" (so using as an adverb sounds incorrect).
4. The usage of "number" and "amount" is totally different and they are not interchangeable. Please be cautious!
5. You overuse the word "number". It is not a good idea.

There are also some mistakes that are minimal, so I won't talk about them. Hope this feedback will help you!