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IELTS - the number of young people perpetrating a crime has risen significantly.


somasalims 15 / 27 5  
Dec 18, 2014   #1
The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions.

Crime is a serious problem occurred around the world. In some nations, the number of young people perpetrating a crime has risen significantly. There must be some reasons among this trend and I truly believe that many ideas can be taken to overcome the trouble.

The sharp increase of juvenile delinquent has been happened due to several causes. Firstly, according to expert studies, the most cause of this trend is broken home as well as working parents. In these both conditions, children are less attention because their parents do not have much time to educate them. The next possible reason of this problem is lack of of something to do by young people. Consequently, they spend their time to disturb someone else, especially the unemployment who are difficult to walk straight into a great job.

To reduce the crime rate, several measures, however, should be done. To begin, the government needs to introduce a law for parents about how to look after and care their children until being adult. Thus, some punishments have to be given to parents who break this rule. Furthermore, Individually, teenagers have to take responsibility as part of society such as doing some positive activities.

In conclusion, it is evident that the proportion of juvenile delinquent has risen because of some unwell conditions. On the other hand, government and young people as individual can take several solutions to solve the problem. It is imperative that this will be easier and more effective if all members of society support the solution consistently.

Anfalia 40 / 56 23  
Dec 18, 2014   #2
the unemployment who are

just about subject verb agreement.
and, in my opinion you should give the specific example of topic sentence.
Good Luck!
OP somasalims 15 / 27 5  
Dec 18, 2014   #3
Yes, that is true. Thank you.

This is multiple idea paragraph, so we do not need to give an example I think.
Anfalia 40 / 56 23  
Dec 19, 2014   #4
multiple idea need the example for the first.
firstly, (topic sentence + example + as a result). secondly, topic + explain. thirdly...
Azeez 1 / 4  
Dec 21, 2014   #5
The sharp increase of juvenile delinquentcy has been happened due to several causes

In my view your conclusion is too long. I think that you should try to keep it shorter. Perhaps Around 30-40 words is enough to keep it concise

But overall it's very good essay


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