[Ielts 1] Numbers of young people in four countries using three types of transportation in a year

Topic:

The bar chart below shows transport preferences among young people in four countries in a single year.

Full paragraph:
The bar chart gives information about the preferences of young people in four distinct countries in using three means of transportation in an unknown year.

In general, it is clear that car is the most popular transport among 4 countries except for France, whereas the lowest figure is seen in those driving motorbike, except for the US.

As can be seen from the chart, the proportion of car in the UK and the US are the same, standing at 60%. In the UK, the proportion of bicycle is 3 times as much as the proportion of motorcycle, while the US has the contrasting figures in these types of vehicle

Another striking point is the percentage of using car in Italy, standing at approximately 20%, taking the first place among 4 countries. In addition to this, the figure for bike in France is the highest while the lowest figure for this kind of transport belongs to Italy and the US, at around 10%.

• 
  326633194_5909936091.jpg
  

The summary overview is lacking in information. There must be a reference to the measurement type, which is by default, in the percentages. An enumerated listing of the 4 countries should have also been included prior to the mention of a few of these countries in the trending statement. The presentation is not comprehensive enough to be given a good preliminary score because of the lack of proper highlight considerations.

A trending statement needs to be clear and focused on presenting the high and low information. Your statement is a bit confusing for the reader. I know you were trying to write in an advanced manner, but the lack of proper sentence formation prevented you from presenting a heightened trending reference.


The reader does not have a copy of the chart. You will lose points for asking the reader to "see" or "refer" to the chart for a better understanding of the information you are presenting. You should do that without requiring the reader to look at the image provided to you.

Failing to review and correct the errors in this essay, specially in the punctuation mark and run-on presentations, means that you are opening up the essay to lower score potentials all around. You should make sure to review and enhance the presentation, correcting errors whenever you can, within 20 minutes. You could have done better since you wrote only over 160 words in the essay. That indicates you still had time left to improve your presentation for a better final score.