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Task 2: Obesity is a major health problem in the world

Maya29 14 / 18 14  
May 10, 2016   #1
Obesity is now a major global epidemic. What can be done to tackle this increasingly common problem?

It has become a common knowledge that one of the most spreading health issues is obesity. Excessive fat in our body can be caused by several reasons and bring bad effect to our body. However, I believe that this problem can be solved by living in a healthy style.

Unhealthy food and sedentary lifestyle are indicated to be the main cause of this problem. Fast-food such as pizzas is one of the less-nutritious foods which contain a large amount of unsaturated fat and cannot be digested easily. Furthermore, working demands make people having less physical activity for virtually all day long. The majority of a company's employees have to work more than 9 hour a day and just sit on their desk, working and typing. At night and weekend, they take more time to sleep rather than having a sport to burn their fat.

Obesity can also lead to a serious disease like heart-attack. It is the second deadly illness which can kill people without any earlier symptoms. Based on the report from University of Glassgow, the percentage of a coronary heart attack is increased to the obese people due to a block of fat may block the artery. That is why it can bring another dreadful illness.

In term of measure, there is no better option than having a healthy lifestyle. Consuming healthy foods like vegetables, drinking enough mineral water and having regular exercise belong to it. They can help the body to generate some essential amino acids and enzymes to break down the raw nutrition. For instance, citric acid in oranges can help lipase enzyme to change the needless fat into energy. By keeping a good life pattern makes our body cells have enough important nutrition to regenerate and keep fit.

To sum up, obesity brings a great danger to human life and can be prevented by keeping a good lifestyle. A small jogging or prefer to use stairs than lift to go to the office can help us to stay healthy.
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
May 10, 2016   #2
Maya, I think I get used to read your writing. I notice that for task response part, you were able to addressed all parts of the task although some parts still fully covered than others. This is because you created 3 body paragraphs, somehow the information was not well-developed equally. Next, for coherence and cohesion part, I think your information and ideas were arranged coherently and clear overall progression existed. However, some of them were still faulty or mechanical.

With regards to lexical resource, I notice that you were using adequate vocabulary for the task. In addition, about your grammatical issues and punctuation. I see that you were trying to use some complex sentence forms and mixed them. This is a good one even though some errors were still there.

Therefore, in my opinion, this essay is quite possible to reach between 5.5 and 6.0. This is only a prediction for what I have seen so far. Mind my previous and recent corrections for the next essay practice. Good Luck :)
pebzna12 13 / 24 9  
May 15, 2016   #3
Hi, Maya, I find that your writing has been well delivered in terms of the structures, the grammar, everything is good in over all. But if I am allowed to give suggestion I think giving connector words in the beginning of each paragraph of your writing will strengthen your cohesive and coherent. (:

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