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IELTS 2 : which one is better between childcare services or grandparenting programme for children?

ichatea07 27 / 24 10  
Feb 20, 2016   #1
Some parents think that childcare centers provide the best services for children of preschool age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better cares for their kids. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In this competitive period of time, most working parents trust childcare businesses to look after their children, whilst others contradicts this view and tend to pick grandparents to undertake parenthood. Whereas elderly people had gained many experiences in upbringing youngsters, I believe that the option regarding child centre provides theoretical-based techniques through their staff in caring for children.

Several people who agree with a statement to keep their kids in grandmother's house normally think that the children will be well-maintained by grandparents as they know how perfectly their parents took care of them in many years. The grandmothers and grandfathers had known the best way to deal with children from a long time, and they impossibly endanger their own grandchilds, thus parents put their trusts on them to look after their children. This view sometimes is a wise choice based on an article in Parenting Magazine as the grandparents can cooperate effectively about on which food the kids have an allergy and how to calm them when the kids get tempered. Having said that, a study by the year 2000 in Cornell University reported that grand-parenting mostly practise an indulgent version of parenting that brings negative outcomes to children later.

Children of career mothers will gain better parenthood if they are put in a day care for its fully trained staff. All workers in a child centre has a mandatory task to enter training services from their workplace so as to guarantee them to be best carers for the babies and toddlers, so these staff will know about some effective practical tips to nurture the children to have well-developed brain and behaviour in the future. This strategy is highly recommended by National Child Centre in America as it will help parents to optimise their kids' golden ages even though they do not involve on earlier parenting. Therefore, I personally argue that considering a childcare service is better option to bring up children after parents who actualise caring duty themselves.

In conclusion, there are convincing arguments both placing children to be raised predominantly by grandparents in parental working families and keeping the children in a certified and qualified day care facility, but I am positive that the outcomes of child centre services are more positive instead of grand-parenting.
nuni11 33 / 30 5  
Feb 20, 2016   #2
Hi Annisa, I find your essay interesting since your idea is delivered clearly. However, I find a few mistakes and make a suggestion for you.

...took care of them in manyfor years(...)to look after their childrenthe younger one (suggestion to minimize repetition ) (...) effectively about on which food

...its fully trained staffs (...) to be the best carers
Wolf Larsen - / 127 47  
Feb 20, 2016   #3
Hello ichatea07

I think, many sentences in your text are unnecessary complex. I simplified a few of them to illustrate what I mean. Also, you should try making sure that there are smooth transitions between sentences. Here is the example:

Sentence 1. Nowadays, it became a commonplace practice among fully employed parents to allow childcare services to look after their children, instead of entrusting this task to the elderly family-members.

Sentence 2. Nevertheless, I believe that even though elderly folks do possess much experience in childcare, it is namely within the settings of the daycare centers that children are being treated in the most professionally sound manner.

OP ichatea07 27 / 24 10  
Feb 20, 2016   #4
WOW, MANY THANKS, @ Wolf Larsen, especially for the examples. I'll try to improve it. That point is actually my weakness.

@nuni11 : thank you too. I sure appreciate it. ^ ^

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