Unanswered [25] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2


ONLINE APARTMENT PROMOTION


VThuong 1 / -  
Mar 10, 2024   #1
]Hello, my lovely tourist. If you want to have the best summer when you travel to Dalat, Vietnam, or if you want to have a very impressive vacation, you should choose my apartment. It will be the best place for your trip. My apartment is named "Permeramour in Dalat City, a very romantic place. When you come to my apartment, it isn't just a place to stay, it is your dream. My apartment has all of the things you need like a spa, gym, board games,...If you want to go somewhere in Dalat, my drivers will be waiting for you. If you want to go to "Dinh Bao Dai" "Thung Lung Hoa Sim" or anywhere, just wait 5 minutes, and your drivers will come. The view from my apartment is so romantic and beautiful, you can see the landscape around there, and I am sure that you will like it. Lastly, I hope you enjoy your trip with my apartment, I will be so happy if you choose us. Love you
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,787 4778  
Mar 11, 2024   #2
The statement tries to be exciting to entice the reader to use the service. However, the writer fails to distance himself from the writing by constantly referring to the residence or guest house as "My Apartment". Perhaps he is trying to advertise the residence as a Bed and Breakfast or something, but the rush by which he is presenting his product is not helpful to the advertisement. Punctuation usage is also a problem as he uses 2 punctuation marks simultaneously rather than one at a time, which is the standard practice when developing these sort of presentations.

It would be better if the writer uses 2 paragraphs to present the information next time. He should try to group the information based on importance and method of use so that the information will be more enticing to the reader, based on the development of each paragraph into an exciting description of "my apartment". He should also make it clear that he will not be living in "my apartment" while the guest is in residence. The name of the house is misleading.


Home / Writing Feedback / ONLINE APARTMENT PROMOTION
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳