Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5

Online games: they decrease children's time to study but also help them to enhance their knowledge.


Bekuk22 15 / 21 3  
Oct 22, 2016   #1
Some people think that online computer game is useful for children, while others claim is bad. What are advantages and disadvantages of online computer game for children?

Children playing online games will bring out drawback like children spending more time in front of computer, but they can increase their knowledge by harnessing such technology.

Many children feel happy when they are playing game online so that they are ready to stay long time front of computer. Unfortunately, this activity brings some drawbacks for children because their time to study is spent on playing game and is less to communicate with their fellow, besides, this trend increases sense of individualism showed by children in their daily lives. It is true that playing games brings several demerits for children.

On the other hand, many people argue that children playing game online will be smart and this activity will be able to enhance children knowledge. In fact in this era several children are smart because of the tendency to play online games. This is because online game provides many features educating and improving children brain to think smart and encourage imagination and creativity, as well as concentration, logical thinking and problem solving, all of which are useful skills outside the gaming context. For instance, in online game, there are some games like mathematics game, biology game, puzzle, which is often played by children. By using those game children can be learning by playing and they get many new things. As the result children can broaden their knowledge. This condition shows that online games have more benefits for increasing knowledge of children.

To conclude, although game online decrease children's time to study but effect of game online really help children to enhance their knowledge.

kiki23 37 / 64 4  
Oct 23, 2016   #2
Hi! I have some feedback for you!

To conclude, although online game decreases children's time to study, it also brings positive impact as it helps children to enhance their knowledge and skill.
eve01 24 / 40 5  
Oct 23, 2016   #3
hi raja I have feedback for your essay

Children playing online games will bring out drawback like children spending ... ( it is better to mention others statements before you write your thesis statement as your background essay)

... when they are playing game online gamesso thatand they are ready to stay inlong time front of computer longer .
... drawbacks for children because their time to study isthey spent much time to playinggame than studying and is less to communicate with their fellow, besides,

keep writing (^,^)
mardian24 46 / 75  
Oct 28, 2016   #4
Hi, I'm trying to make some comments

1. Children playing online gameswho play online games will bring out drawback likesuch aschildren spending more time ...
# It is better to use conjunction to make it complex sentence ----> Children who play online games
# you have already mentioned 'children' in the beginning, so to reduce repetitive just delete the second 'children'

2. Many children feel happy when they are playing game online so that they are ...
It is better for you to use present perfect because the action happen in the past and still continue or there is an effect today.

Thank you
Hopefully it can useful
septiadara29 48 / 67 9  
Oct 28, 2016   #5
Hello Bekuk! I will give you some opinions about your essay.

Introduction:
(1) Children who playing online games will bring out drawback (a drawback or some drawbacks. You should give an emphasize) like children spending (...) increase their knowledge by harnessingusing such technology.

Based on CALD : harness is to put a harness on a horse, or to connect a horse to a vehicle using a harness
or control and make use of (natural resources), especially to produce energy.

(2) ... provides many features that can be educating and improving children's brain to think smart and to encourage their imagination and creativity... -> This sentence is too long. You should separate into two parts.

(3) ... online game, there are some games like mathematics game, biology game, puzzle, which isare often played by children. .

Conclusion:
To conclude, although game online decrease children's time to study but effect of...
You give new opinion in your conclusion. You better mention your idea here and maybe give a solution


Home / Writing Feedback / Online games: they decrease children's time to study but also help them to enhance their knowledge.