IELTS Task 2 - Opinion Essay - Language extinction

Every year several languages die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world.

To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Languages are an essential part of any culture. Many of which are extinct and several others are on their way to extinction. Some people do not consider this as a significant loss because it is a common belief among some that it is better to have fewer languages in the world. In my opinion, languages are of a great importance and must be conserved at all costs.

Firstly, language is one of the key elements which bind us to the history and the culture of the world. Through languages, we are able to experience the beauty of a tradition and is one of the factors that represent diversity worldwide. Many ideologies of modern world are based on the mythologies and ancient philosophies, which are derived from various groups from all around the world. Letting these languages die out can deprive us from learning more about our history and our ancestors. For instance, many archaeological surveys still dig out prehistoric artefacts/scriptures with letters and symbols engraved on them. If we fail to keep the earliest languages alive, we might never be able to decode those scriptures. Hence, languages must be conserved.

Secondly, extinction of any language would eventually result in loss of its culture causing every part of the world to be identical which results in reduced number of tourists in some nations. There would be no reason to travel to other places in search of diversity and different cultures. This would also take a toll on the economy of the country. For example, the Balinese are investing in protection of their language and their traditions as Indonesia relies majorly on tourism. If they fail to protect their culture, their economy would be strongly affected.

In conclusion, for economic and historic importance the conservation of the languages is crucial.

Kindly advise an estimate band score along with the corrections. Thank you in advance.

@veenajayant
in my experience for IELTS, you must need more spesific and dont use firstly or secondly
Its my opinion, if u fixed ur essay more spesific with the same topic, im sure u can get the best score
Wish U Luck

"Secondly, extinction of any language would ..."

You can express this idea more clearly and smoothly without repeating any words:
Secondly, language extinction would eventually result in culture loss as many parts of the world would become identical, which even reduces the number of tourists visiting those nations.

Sorry I'm no professional, just leaving a comment so that I can get my essay checked <3

There existed a grammatical error in here : Some people do not consider this as a significant loss .... "consider" grammatically isn't followed by "as" such as I consider John my bestfriend.