IELTS2 - Overpopulation problem causes: ineffective birth control and an increase of free-sex cases

The continued rise in the world's population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time.
What are the causes of this continued rise?
Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?
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World's population rises year by year. It is believed that this trend has become the global problem which is caused by some factors such as an ineffective birth control and an increase of free-sex case. I strongly agree with this statement because the upward trend in population growth inflicts many social problems.

This continued rise is caused by a lack control of birthrate. Many people do not have good knowledge to plan for having baby. Others have some reasons related to cultural tradition to have a lot of children. In China, for example, are many parents that have more than five children. As a consequence, this country has the largest number of residents in the world. Also, the cause of this problem is the rise of free sex. Unplanned birth of promiscuity has contributed large number of population. According to an official statistic, 5 to 10 percent of increased population is resulted from pregnancy of free sex offenders. It is clear that this activity contributes great enough number of population percentage.

Nowadays, the uncontrolled increase of world's residents has become the main problem which causes much more dire impacts for humidity. Firstly, it causes infrastructural problems. The more population increase, the more houses and other facilities are needed. If the government or people themselves cannot provide more accommodation cheaply and quickly, the number of homeless people will rise rapidly. In addition, a very large population can make crime rate increasing. Following the rise of professional competition, the number of unemployment will increase. However, they still need to fulfill their basic needs. As a result, they will do anything to get money, even by using wrong ways.

In conclusion, it is evident that the continued increase in global population is caused by the bad control of birth and mass cases of free sex. This problem becomes the largest issue nowadays because has caused many disadvantages for humans' lives. Government and all people should cooperate to solve this problem.

Dwi, your essay is well thought out. The discussions are well developed. Even the conclusion is almost flawless. the only problem I have with your essay is that ate a certain point, you left evidence of the fact that you did not bother to proof read your essay before submitting it. The mistake that you made would have cost you some major points in an actual test. I refer to the following line from your essay as the problem point:

...which causes much more dire impacts for humidity.

Had you proof read your paper, you would have realized that you used the word humidity which means "a measure of the amount of moisture in the air". What you wanted to say was humanity which is defined as "all human beings collectively; the human race; humankind". A simple error in the use of a word and your whole essay score was put at risk. The use of the wrong word denoted a disinterested person who did not even bother to double check his essay before submission. Do you see the difference in the definition? There is absolutely no way one could mistake one word for the other if a simple spellcheck or proof read was performed to catch these errors.

While the rest of the essay would have passed the criteria for the scoring of the test, this mistake that you made would have immediately dragged your score down. That is why I always remind the exam takers to practice proof reading with the remaining time after they write their essay. It can spell the difference between passing and failure. There are no small mistakes in this test. Only major point deductions.