a home - better rent or buy?
With the increase in job opportunities have been provided in cities especially in capitals and metropolitans, a large number of people is confronting a dilemma, specifically household issues. Some may claim they prefer to rent a home as opposed to obtain the ownership of the property for others. Various rationales are the results of these two totally different opinions, however, in my perspective I think they are both helpful to the economy and social stability,
Compared to buying a house, people at present are more willing to renting. Amongst the reasons, high living costs in big cities is a great contributor which no longer enables them to pay for the cost of expensive house. Moreover, the youth are enamored of possibilities, in other words, the group embrace new things and different experiences such as taking shifts from one to the other metropolitan, consequently renting is seemingly a reasonable way to help themselves adjust in all sorts of cities.
One of the reasons that leads to such a divergent view may be caused by the culture difference. In China the reason people are sparing no efforts to purchase a real estate even at the expense of digging the whole family's pocket is that the concept of home is deeply rooted in the mindset. Besides, those intending to register the child in school will not be realized until they own a house, otherwise it's would be impossible for their children to receive the public education in the residential area. What's more, with the house owning people are able to register permanent residence, providing them medical as well as other social sector's services.
In conclusion, a range of reasons could be the factors contributing to views of renting or not. It should be pointed out, each lifestyle has its own two sides and so do the renting and owning a house. Renting provides more benefits for those with limited economic status in the aspect of living conditions, while the owing could in the long run would stipulate more spending by buying essentials in households.
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You missed the whole point of the essay. You were to discuss why it some people find it more important to own a home. Along with that, you were to provide a personal opinion as to whether you view this mindset as a positive or negative development. You did not even come close to discussing the actual discussion requirements for this essay. While you did provide a discussion, it is not the proper one so the examiner cannot give you passing points. Not when you did not meet the discussion requirements as stated in the original prompt. It appears that you understand English but, have a tendency to misinterpret paragraphs, specially when asked to assess a specific presentation based on specific writing guidelines.
You have to type the question: is it a 'discuss both views and give your opinion' question or 'to what extent do you agree or disagree'. That means a lot because I have to base on the question to give you feedback
I see some complex phrases but some of them are inaccurate. Some structures and grammar topics are used wrongly, perhaps it is because you do not get the hang of it clearly, so search for specific examples for them.
"Compared to buying a house, people at present are more willing to renting." this sentence seems to be based on your personal opinion instead of facts. You have to use factual truths and statistics to prove your point.
"In conclusion, a range of reasons could be the factors contributing to views of renting or not." you do not have to write this sentence because in the summary, you have to CONCLUDE and restate your opinion.
It doesn't clear whether the instruction of the essay to provide the discussion between the both views or comparison between them.
In you last sentence in first paragraph, you stated "Various rationales are the results of these two totally different opinions, however, in my perspective I think they are both helpful to the economy and social stability,", however the following paragraphs (2nd and 3rd) discussed about the advantages of one view only and they also need more comprehensive explanations on comparison between one and another based on general facts, not personal opinions.
Furthermore, in conclusion part, you can directly mention your views on the essay based on your explanations and reasons in the prior paragraphs, so that you don't necessarily use the redundant sentences to tell what you've already mentioned in the opening/first paragraph.