Pace of climate change, preserve wildlife - ielts writing task 2

measures to curb deforestation

Deforestation caused by human activity is happening in many parts of the world, with serious results for the environment. What do you think is the causes, effects and solutions of this problem?

My answer:
Deforestation has become the matter of great concerns in recent years. According to " The Guardian report in 2018", every second, a chunk of forest equivalent to the size of a soccer field is lost. This essay would discuss the causes, effects of the deforestation and also propose some solutions to the problem.

First of all, human acitivities are responsible for deforestation. It is estimated that farming, grazing of livestock, mining and drilling combined account for more than half of all deforestion. Moreover, forestry practices, wildfires, and in small part, urbanization account for the rest. Regarding agriculture, human cut down forests to grow foods and other commodities such as soy, palm oil and wood products. For instance, palm oil is cheap, versatile and can be added to both food and personal products like lipsticks and bamboo. Its popularity has spurred people to clear forests to grow more palm trees. Another example is the paper production requiring logging operations which fell countless trees each years.

Deforestation has brought negative consequences to our world. As forests are home to a wide variety of animals and plants, deforestation will lead to the loss of biodiversity. The amazon, for example, have the greatest concentrations of animal and plant species of any terrestrial ecosystem. As deforestation proceeds, the extinction of these species is unavoidable. Futhermore, according to FAO, deforestation is the second- leading cause of climate change. It not only remove vegetation, but the act of clearing the forests produces greenhouse gas emissions. It is obvious that trees play a crucial role in the climate mitigation as they absorb carbon dioxide which is exhaled by humans and the heat-trapping greenhouse gases emitted by human acitivity. The felling of trees would certainly obliterate all the benefits.

There are some measures which can be taken to mitigate the issue. To begin with, instead of cutting down trees for the aforementioned purposes, we should adopt sustainable farming practices, employ new farming technologies and crops to increase agricultural productivity. Moreover, trees should be replanted in cleared areas as the sooner a cleared area is reforested, the quicker the ecosystem can start to repair itself. On a personal level, individuals can take steps to curb deforestation by purchasing certified wood products, going paperless whenever possible, using eco-friendly products.

As the world seeks to slow the pace of climate change, preserve wildlife, and support billions of people, trees inevitably hold a major part of the answer. Therefore, it is urgent that we take measures to curb deforestation for the sake of ourself and the next generation.

The first problem with this essay is that you over wrote. I understand that you will be taking the CBT version, which means if you are an excellent typist, you will be able to drum up a lot of words. However, the number of words you wrote are not as important as the content of the essay. Simply typing 275-290 words would gain you a higher score, if the essay is properly developed, than if you wrote 425 words that were not proof read, and does not meet the discussion requirements. The test is not just about the number of words you know in English. It is more about your ability to write coherently in academic UK English, using as little sentences as possible.

Never include research information in your essay. The task always asks you to base the discussion on personal knowledge, commonly known information, and personal experiences. That is because you will not be able to do research at the testing center as there will not be any outside internet access on the computers used for the test. So referring to an article for information in this essay automatically hits you with points deductions in the TA section. Rather than simply outlining the discussion instructions, you should be more creative in the prompt restatement and offer the topics that you will be discussing as the causes of the problems and the potential solutions you plan to present. That will create a clearer discussion outline for the examiner to follow. It will also tell the examiner that you truly understood (comprehended) the discussion topic and discussion process as you were instructed in the original prompt. For the prompt restatement, just stick as closely as possible to the original presentation:

Desertification, an exercise that is commonly done by people across the globe has been leaving negative habitat results. This is caused by reasons such as ... These problem sources result in... Part of the solutions that may be applied are...

Your discussion presentations are good. You were able to properly connect the cause and effect discussion. However, you still continued to refer to researched information in certain paragraphs, thus creating additional problems for your TA score. Never do research during the practice test. Always practice in an actual test setting. That means, no research allowed. While it makes your practice essay look authoritative, you will have a problem at the actual testing center when you can no longer do research to create impressive essays. Use only the information you know when you write the essays. I do not doubt that, had you not researched this topic for the essay, you would not have been able to write such an effective essay presentation.