IELTS:'parenting class' for parents of undisciplined children.

Please help me out. i'll be taking my ielts tomorrow.. :) thank you

Q: Parents with undisciplined children should be made to follow compulsory 'parenting skills' classes where they can learn from professional teachers how to be a good parents. Do the advantages of this approach outweigh the disadvantages?

A:
Some people believe that parents of trouble-maker kids should be taught 'parenting skills' from professional educator in hope that this would reduce the number of undisciplined children in a society. The advantages and disadvantages of this method will be discussed thoroughly in this essay.

The main benefit of this approach is that it allows the government to fix the issue from its root of problem. To be exact, parents are child's first exposure to the outside world, therefore, it is believed that parents with good attitude will pass them to their children. As a result, children with responsible and disciplined parents will be most likely to grow into a disciplined adult and vice versa.

That said, undoubtedly there is also drawback to this solution. One important disadvantage is that this solution does not address the problem since there are many contributors that causes a child to be undisciplined. The attitude of their parents is only one of them, along with bad media, culture and friend influences. Therefore, forcing parents of undisciplined child to take up 'parenting skills' classes would only waste the government resources and money and not solve the problem.

In conclusion, the advantage and disadvantage of this approach are equally important and that the government should investigate the matter more deeply before deciding on a solution. One possible solution could be to make undisciplined child to take up 'disciplinary classes' instead of 'parenting skills' classes for their parents.

Make a note on this,

Trouble making kids...
It is better if you can state your opinion right at the introduction along with the counter argument.
Nevertheless, your essay is great.

mhss.

... this is fine in respect of grammar. But you can improve its presentation by shortening the sentence;
Some people believe that parents having undisciplined children needs support from professional educators to learn how to tackle those children for making them disciplined.


... It is better to express your view here.... if you feel it has both positive and negative effects you can say so and support it with reasons and examples in the body paras.

In my view, this method has both advantages and disadvantages.

Although this sounds catchy I feel as if it is a bit too informal.


This sounds unclear. Try
This approach solves the problem of undisciplined children from its roots.
I can not understand why the government needs to be mentioned here.


To be more clear, parents are the role first role models of a child, and therefore it is only natural for disciplined parents to have disciplined children.

I think another drawback would be that since no child is the same, the same approach taught in these parenting class might not be appropriate for every child. It's just an idea I think you might be able to use. :)