Unanswered [5] / Urgent [0] / SERVICES
  

Writing Feedback   Posts: 4

IELTS TASK 2 - Many parents believe that their children should read only serious, educational books.


JSH 1 / -  
Dec 7, 2018   #1

WHAT IS YOUR OPINION ESSAY



Topic: Many parents believe that children read books for entertainment, they are wasting their time, and that they should read only serious, educational books.
What is your opinion about this?


It is true that reading books can affect personal development. Some people say that when children read books for entertainment, they are wasting their time and that they must read only educational books. I think that reading books for entertainment can improve their creativity and increase their reading time. In this essay, i will explain my opinion and reason.

Firstly, entertainment books such as coloring books and painting books can be helpful for many children. For example, when children read a coloring book, they possible advance their creativity and imagination because they can paint it in the color they want without stereotype. Also, if children read a hero book, they are able to have an honest idea as it contains many righteous contents. This will lead to it does give them right thinking but also they do not be bored. Therefore, reading entertainment books can contribute to the right growth of children.

Secondly, reading books for entertainment could be beneficial for forming a reading habit. For instance, while children are reading amusement books, they can be interested in reading books. In addition, bu having lots of reading times through amusement books, they possible forming reading habits. Thus reading books with interest could be related to educational things and make habit of reading books.

To sum up, reading books for entertainment has positive effects. Accordingly, parents should not force only to read educational books to their children. Also, For children, we should remember the importance of having an interest in books and the formation of reading habits through entertainment books.

Holt [Contributor] - / 7,303 1841  
Dec 8, 2018   #2
Ji, please remember the English capitalization rule regarding the use of the letter I. When used to refer do oneself, it must always be written in capital form. There are also the small spelling differences between UK and American English. They often add the letter "U" to the words that they spell, which make it different from American English. Therefore, it is "colour" nor "color", "colouring" instead of "coloring". It is also more appropriate to say "and they do not get bored" as opposed to "but also they do not be bored."

It appears that you were lax in your proofreading as well. You did not catch that the word "bu" does not make sense. What exactly where you trying to say? There is also the missing comma that is required after the introduction when you said "Thus, reading..." There is always a comma after the word "Thus" when used as an introductory element. You really need to be more careful when it comes to your English grammar rules. You only capitalize the first word of a sentence, not the first 2 words. So you cannot say "Also, For" as the second word needs to be written in lowercase.

You need a refresher course with regards to English grammar and sentence structures. Your build up for errors in that regard will result in a significant lowering of your GRA score during the actual test. Good job with writing more than the word count though. It is enough to help you get a better scoring consideration overall and also allows you to have ample time to review your presentation for spelling errors and presentation issues.

In the prompt paraphrase, since you already delivered a direct response to the question, there is no need to say that you will explain your reasons and opinion in the essay. That is already a given since you responded to the question . You should only include a statement about what you will be discussing in the essay if you are using a comparative opinion essay format.

While your essay has grammatical imperfections and lacks fluency in most of its presentation, you managed to make yourself understood for a majority of the essay presentation. That is half the battle done. It would also be better if you practice using transition sentences at the end of the reasoning paragraphs to introduce the next topic then using a topic sentence to start the next paragraph instead of counting your reasons. Using the transition method of discussion will help to increase your GRA score.

The other problem your essay had towards the end is that rather than summarizing the discussion points as required for the concluding summary, you continued to discuss the essay, which created an open ended rather than closed discussion. As such, the essay appears to be under developed and little discussed. Next time, just summarize the prompt, your reasons, and your opinion as the closing statement of the essay.

Overall, this is a good first attempt at Task 2 writing. I hope to see continued improvement in your writing skills over the coming days with your succeeding practice essays. I will be here to guide you every step of the way for as long as you need me to.
Supantha 2 / 2 2  
Dec 8, 2018   #3
I can see that you just wrote only positive impacts of reading amusement books and that's your personal preference. But I would suggest you that you should also focus on some demerits also. For instances, children can be too much obsessive on fictional/comic books. So they might start to read them during their studies. And that's a hindrance towards their study. Moreover, children might start to read some adult comics which are objectionable for them to read.

Plus. You can also add some advantages also. Example : Comic books like DC or, MARVEL often introduce hypothesis of quantum sciences/ relativity of time and other higher physics which children find pleasure to read them, thus make them much knowledgeable in those fields.

I hope you found my suggestion helpful. Thanks
Holt [Contributor] - / 7,303 1841  
Dec 8, 2018   #4
Ji, the above advice from Supantha is only applicable to comparison essays. It is not applicable to single opinion point of view essays such as the prompt that was provided for this essay. If you do a comparison essay where it is not required, you will be scored on a tangential scale. That means that only one opinion is required, as the question indicates "what is your opinion" not "what are your opinions", the latter being the representation of a 2 point of view discussion.

As such, a tangential essay, which will occur because you will not be presenting a solid single point of view discussion. would lose you points because of your lack of clear direction in your response. There are also instances when tangential responses are scored down due to lacking word count since points are deducted for any number of words related to a wrong prompt discussion that causes the essay to fall under the 250 word minimum presentation. So approach the essay directly and respond directly only to the question asked. Don't change with regards to the discussion instructions because that will not be beneficial to your final score.

Your discussion as it stands now is correct and properly aligns itself with the direct question prompt requirement. Any changes to a dual opinion essay could endanger your essay from getting a passing score due to a lower TA consideration. The suggestion above, based on the given points of view of Supantha would have changed the prompt discussion from the focus:

Original Topic: Many parents believe that children read books for entertainment, they are wasting their time, and that they should read only serious, educational books.

Supantha's topic: A comparison of the advantages and disadvantages of reading educational and non-educational books.


Even the slightest change in discussion topic will indicate a clear lack of comprehension skills which will definitely affect your overall score. Do not change the prompt requirements, discuss only as indicated. That way you assure yourself of focusing in getting the highest possible marks for your essay.

It is important that you always present a clear and concise discussion of the given topic. That is normally achieved by presenting a single opinion essay, fully supported / reasoned and explained within 2-3 reasoning paragraphs. The number of reasoning paragraphs are left as a personal choice of the writer unless, a clear "2 public POV discussion + 1 personal opinion" writing instruction is provided, which means a mandatory 5 paragraph essay must be written.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - Many parents believe that their children should read only serious, educational books.